


The Nutcracker Prince

by BBKat9



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Classical dance, Depression, Emotions, I am so sorry, Injury, M/M, Not Beta Read, Slow Burn, Trauma, University, but I'll add more tags later on, dance, dancer!minho, english is not my first language, i don't know how to tag, personal, slight depression, stray kids - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2020-12-14 13:44:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21016745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBKat9/pseuds/BBKat9
Summary: Minho is a ballet dancer who has to give up his dream because of an injury. He moves to Busan to his grandparents, where he tries to start a new life.In Busan, he makes new friends and begins to believe that his dream may not have ended.





	1. Chapter 1

Lee Minho looked at Busan's familiar sight with an almost sincere happiness on his face as he got off the train. The city was beautiful, as always, and Minho had left a lot of lovely childhood memories here a long ago. When he was younger, he spent every summer here with his grandparents. And now he was back to the familiar seaside town - but this time it wasn’t for just one summer. He had no idea how much time he’ll spend here, but he decided to make himself feel better while he is here. He almost surprised himself that how happy it made him to be back close to the beach again.

"Minho!" The familiar voice of his Grandmother kept him from thinking. She waved with a simle on her face to him and Minho quickly grabbed his suitcase to run to the car.

"Hello Granny!" The boy smiled happily.

"Honey, we're so glad you're here," she said enthusiastically, as Minho's grandfather got out of the car too and helped him put the suitcase in the trunk.

"We've been renovating the house since you've been here the last time, and you have your own room now," said his grandfather as enthusiastically as his grandmother. Minho adored his grandparents, but recently he hadn't had much time to visit Busan. With the many preformances and everyday training, he had no time for anything – of course it changed for now.

"Sounds good," the boy smiled and grasped the strap of his backpack uncertainly.

"Don't worry, we've got the university things done for you," his grandmother explained as the man closed the trunk. "There was no problem with it and you will stay as long as you want."

"Thank you," the boy nodded.

"I know it's not the same as the conservatory, but ..."

"Granny, I don't want to talk about this," Minho interrupted her. "I'm sorry, just ... I'm sorry."

"It’s okay, we want you to have a good time while you're here," his grandmother said kindly, then boarded the car.

Of course, there was a reason why Minho needed a change. His parents were extremely supportive people, and they didn't think he would be in the right place in Seoul until he was all right again. Of course, Minho had given up some time to do ballet again. He has spent years of his life to be the best dancer, he has sacrificed everything one could imagine. But he didn't mind, ballet was his passion and he was so lucky that his parents and grandparents supported him all along.

However, all of this came with a serious price: he had to give up on any fun activites and friends because of competitions, shows and constant training, he just had to say no to ordinary weekdays. At the conservatory he didn't really have any friends, just like him everyone wanted to be the best there, and they spent their whole lives making ballet their career. Minho also thought that ballet would accompany his whole life. However, due to an accident, it seemed like that Minho could no longer dream of this career. Even now his feet hurt several times a day, and sometimes it was difficult to even walk. Yet every day Minho tried to pretend he didn't feel any pain and everything was fine. But for a long time nothing was okay and in the end Minho was forced to quit ballet for his own good.

Busan seemed like a new opportunity, Minho tried to positively handle the move from Seoul to here. Somewhere deep down he had accepted that he would never step on the stage again, but he didn't dare say it out loud, it would only hurt more.

"How do you like your room?" Asked his grandmother later that day.

"I really like it," Minho smiled. "Grandma, I'm sorry ... that's all ..."

"Honey, your parents told us everything, and me and your grandfather knows very well that this is a difficult time for you," she said as she sat down with her grandson on the bed. “I still remember when I took you to your first ballet class when you were little. We didn't even think you would love the whole thing that much. "

"Grandma ..."

"I know we haven't been to any of your shows for a couple of years now, but I loved every single piece I saw," explained his grandmother, and Minho was really happy that his family was proud of him. Of course, they were no longer proud of him, as Minho was no longer a ballet dancer, he was no longer a member of Seoul's most famous ballet conservatory.

"I will probably never get on stage again, though I could have played the Nutcracker Prince again this year on Christmas." Minho lowered his head, this would be his third year in a row to play the Nutcracker Prince on the Christmas performance, but since he left the conservatory he had no chance to play the role again.

"Don't say that, anything can happen... I mean, maybe your feet will be fine once in a while," his grandmother replied in an encouraging voice and hugged his shoulder.

"It won't be the same anymore," Minho replied, he sounded depressed.

“Indeed, it will not be the same. It will be different, but it would be still you. You can't just give up, but you know it very well by yourself. ”She smiled. "Give yourself some time, but don't forget ballet, because you've always said ballet is your life," he added, then left the boy in his room.

***

Busan was quiet compared to Seoul, which was unusual for Minho. The university here was quite different from the conservatory. Minho was lucky enough that he could come here at all in the middle of the school year. He knew that without his grandparents' relationships, this would not have been possible. But switching from classical dance was harder than the boy had imagined. He enrolled in Korean Language and Literature here, which seemed the least alarming of the other majors and hoped he could fit in here more easily.

However, on the first day, he already felt lost. He got a map of the university, even though the place was smaller than the conservatory, but the classrooms were still unknown to the boy.

"Oh my God ..." he whispered, trying to figure out where his first class would be.

"Is everything all right?" A kind voice asked and Minho saw a curly haired boy looked at him with a kind smile on his face.

"I ... no, this is my first day and I have no idea where the two hundred and fifty-seven room is," Minho replied brokenly and showed the boy his map and his timetable.

"Classical literature with Mr. Jung, I suggest that you sit in the back row because he starts spitting wildly if he really got into literature analysis," he smiled. "Your classroom will be on the left at the end of the corridor," he added.

"Thanks, you’re so kind. Are you studying here, too?" Minho asked, though he quickly realized that was a stupid question.

"I'm a graduate," the boy nodded. "My name is Bang Chan, what's your name?"

"Lee Minho," the boy introduced himself, sincerely pleased that he had met such a nice person on his first day.

"Where did you come from, Minho?"

"Seoul."

"It's pretty weird changing school during the year, especially at university."

"Yes, I know, there was just this accident ... I mean, it was necessary." Minho cleared his throat and lowered his eyes. Chan was nice, it was obvious at first glance, and it was going to be very difficult for him to lie about anything to him.

"I see," the boy nodded, and Minho was glad he pretended he hadn't heard the word accident. "Come on, I'll show you your classroom, I have to go to that directon as well anyway."

"Thank you," Minho smiled.

Later that day, Minho learned that Chan and he were in the same major. Of course, Chan was a year older and as he mentioned, he was a graduate, but he offered to help Minho with whatever he needed. During lunch, he met Chan's friends from the university and his brother.

"Why are you came to Busan?" Felix asked that afternoon as he and Minho headed home together. Chan was still at school, and the others went home before the two of them.

"My grandparents live here," Minho shrugged. "When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time here, I thought it would be just right here. I mean better than in Seoul."

"The beach is very beautiful, I like to be here more than Seoul too," Felix replied with a smile. “You are lucky to have the same major with my brother. He will be able to help you a lot, he is very smart. He even helps me even though I don't think he is particularly knowledgeable about dance. ”

"What it’s like to be a dance major here anyway?" Minho asked. Maybe it would have been better not to ask Felix about this, but he was curious. Although ballet was his life, he was also attracted by other types of dances too.

“It is really good, even though the first year was very difficult, but after that I got used to it. Do you remember Hyunjin? He takes dance, too, ”Felix explained, Minho thought he was just as enthusiastic as he was when he talked about ballet before. Felix loved dancing, it was obvious and Minho saw himself in the boy. Quite precisely a younger version of himself, the enthusiastic Minho, who thought that as long as he could, he would dance on stage, that he could be the Nutcracker Prince in every Christmas performance. Minho thought for a long time that this would be his life forever, that he had fought to be his everything, and had found all his pleasure in it. Now he had to let go ballet. Maybe ballet wouldn't have meant more to anyone else, maybe no one would have thought his life was over because of an injury. But no one could see Minho's legs under the long pants, the cuts, the ghost-like traces of the injuries, the toe nails he lost. They hadn't seen the moment when Minho's entire life had broken on the stage, the way he couldn't come down from the stage at his last performance. They could not see his blood-soaked foot, which had been hid by his ballet shoes. They didn't feel the same pain he felt every day since that moment. They didn't know anything Minho knew, they didn't feel anything Minho felt.

"It sounds great," Minho replied. "Actually, I love dancing quite a bit," he added shyly.

"Seriously?" Felix asked enthusiastically and embraced his shoulders. “Don't you want to join our dance team? We used to go to competitions and quite a few people left last year because they had finished university, so there are a few places available if you are interested. ”

"Oh, I really don't think that I will have enough time for it," Minho replied, and it was very difficult to say those words. Although not ballet, Minho feared that any form of dance would cause him pain.

"We’lll have an open audition next week, you should think about it until then."

"Okay, I'll think about it."

***

That night, Minho watched his feet sadly in the bathroom for a few minutes before slipping into his pajamas. Nothing has changed since his accident, the wounds covering his legs the same way. It was nonsense to think that he could ever return to the stage.

As he slipped into bed, he was thinking of Felix's words. He wanted to dance again, but he had no idea if he could try and if he could do any genre other than classical dance. Ballet was as different from other dance styles as they were from ballet. But why not to try it? Perhaps that could have been part of his recovery, perhaps it would have helped him overcome the trauma that the accident caused.

***

After a week, Minho didn't feel as foreign in Busan as on the day he got off the train. This was mainly due to the fact that Chan and Felix helped him and accepted him into their circle of friends. It was odd at first, because Minho had never had so many friends before. The conservatory was not about friendships, but about competitions, goals that everyone had to achieve individually. Minho had never really felt the love of friendship, though in a week this might not have been a too deep friendship, but the boy somehow felt at home in their company.But he didn't feel compelled to tell Chan or the otheres why he changed university in the middle of the year.

Minho believed he could expect a new start here.


	2. Chapter 2

Minho sometimes struggled with nightmares. They followed each other in an unpredictable way, and the boy never knew when he would relive the day the accident happened. These nightmares always played the same moment in front of the boy's eyes when he had lost everything that was ever important to him. It was an accident, everyone was sorry for Minho somewhere for the misfortune that had happened, but the boy knew that many at the conservatory thought they would be only one less from now on. And it wasn't a big loss for them, as by the time Minho fell out, they were all one step closer to fulfilling their dreams.

It all happened in a rehearsal, and Minho couldn't even remember exactly how. Something happened to the scenery, maybe it was wrongly assembled, nobody knew exactly what happened. But the scenery fell on Minho's legs and the injury was so bad that he couldn't continue the rehearsal that day.

Minho didn't tell anyone that the scenery had crushed his legs so much that for days he felt nothing but throbbing pain. He missed ballet, the stage, the rehearsals - the days he spent in the hospital were boring and gray. So Minho lied that he was fine and he could get back on stage. No one relised he had a fake smile on his face, and he was careful not to show the injuries on his legs to anyone.

But on his last performance it’s decided he wouldn't have a chance to dance any further. That day his legs hurt so much that he could only get out of his own bed by grabbing on to the other furnitures in the room. However, when he was on stage, there was no sign of this pain in his face. The ballet stopped the time for him, and Minho concentrated on dancing only to impress the audience. That was real happiness for him when he was standing in the middle of the stage.

He knew he would never forget the applause he had received after the show. His tears flowing like crazy as he bowed to the audience and then, when the curtains went down, Minho couldn't hold on anymore. He collapsed and took his ballet shoes off with his trembling hands, his feet was covered in blood and he lost unconscious. And this moment has been chasing him as nightmares ever since.

***

Busan had a great physiotherapy office. Minho's grandmother insisted that her grandson at least visit the place and try some therapy. Although Minho had no idea of the whole thing, but for the sake of his grandmother, one afternoon he went and consulted one of the doctors. His hands trembled as he took off his pants so that the doctor could take a closer look at his legs. He was tying to hold back his tears the whole time since every single touch of the doctor was terribly painful, although the wounds had healed since the accident, but nothing was quite the same.

"Your grandmother told me that you used to ballet in the past, didn't you?" The doctor asked.

"Yes," Minho nodded as he filled out his medical record. "But I had to stop after the accident."

"Minho, I really don't think the problem is as big as the way you see it all," he said kindly.

"Why? Will I ever be able to do ballet again? ”

“I can't promise you that, but I don't want you to give up on your dream either. I see that this accident has caused you mental trauma and this is why the pain is probably still so strong. Maybe you need a psychologist. ”

"You didn't say anything new with this," Minho said bitterly. “Yes, the accident caused trauma because when I opened my eyes, my leg looked like it had broken into pieces. Can you understand what it feels like to be a dancer? ”

"No, I'm not a dancer," he admitted. "The accident must have been difficult to handle ..."

"It was not the accident that was difficult to process, but that I was no longer the best," Minho said irritably. "I'll never be the best again ... never."

"If you start the therapy, you can be the best again," the doctor said firmly. "Are you willing to give it a try at least?"

“Do you know how many doctors I have visited in the last three months? All have given up on me. ”

"I know, your grandmother told me everything," he nodded.

“I want to dance again. There's going to be an audition this week that I want to go to, it's not classical dance, maybe it wouldn't burden my feet so much ... ”

"I only recommend that you try if you start the therapy."

"Okay." Minho probably didn't agree to anything so fast. At the end of the interview, they fixed the time for the first therapy and Minho left the clinic as a completely different person.

Busan offered him new opportunities and that evening he decided to go to the beach. He didn't call anyone to go with him, now he wanted to be alone for a while with his thoughts. The weather was pleasantly warm, but not many people were in the beach. Minho could watch the sea for hours, the different shades of blue come to life in front of his eyes and it was reassuring. He carefully took off his shoes, then his socks, and dipped his feet in the water. The sea was cold, but Minho shivered pleasantly, just as he looked down at his toes he realized that his feet still looking awful.

"Minho!" Chan called his name, which was surprising, Minho didn't think he would meet anyone today. "What are you doing here all alone?" The boy asked smiling as he came closer. Minho noticed that the older is walking a dog, probably his own dog.

"I just thought I'd look around the beach, since I've been here, I haven't come here yet," Minho said, reaching for his socks quickly, not wanting Chan to see even a single one of his toes.

"I walk Berry here every afternoon," Chan said as Minho slipped into his shoes.

"Very cute dog." Minho smiled as he stroked the animal's head. "But I'm more of a cat person," he added.

"Yes, I guessed it," Chan laughed.

"Did you?" Minho asked as they continued to walk slowly along the shore now together with Berry.

"Well you know ... your face is so catlike and I concluded ... it's kind of stupid." Chan laughed again. "But I was right."

"Yes, that's for sure," Minho nodded.

"How are you doing after a week?" Chan asked. "Do you like the classes?"

"Not bad," the younger shrugged. “Well… sometimes I don't know exactly what teachers are expecting me to do. This major is a little strange after what I learned in the past. ”

"Why? What did you learn in Seoul? ”The boy asked, but Minho suddenly couldn't speak. Even though it was easy to talk to Chan about anything, buta t the same time it was still hard for Minho to talk about everything that happened in Seoul. Chan was kind and attentive, helpful and selfless, and he almost didn't look real. "Don't you want to tell me?" Chan finally asked after some silence.

"It's not time yet," Minho replied, lowering his eyes. "I'll tell you, I just don't know how yet."

"I somehow felt there was a more serious reason for this change of university during the year," Chan said. “But you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I understand, really. ”

"Why are you so nice?" Minho asked thoughtfully, looking at the boy. The sea and the sunset surrounded the figure of the older boy in a wonderful light, Minho felt like as if he were looking at a painting. But that moment was too beautiful to be painted.

"Why, this is unusual?"

"It would have been unusual in Seoul," Minho laughed. "I’m happy to meet you," he added sincerely.

"I'm glad I met you too," Chan nodded.

They spent hours together that afternoon. Minho felt more relaxed here in Busan than in Seoul, probably because of the less pressure here. Of course he missed the stage, missed ballet, but he found something else that made him happy. He found friends, found comfort, and found Chan - though he couldn't express it at the time.

***

After his classes, Minho decided to watch a dance class. Felix told him exactly what classes he had and when the practical classes were. He also said that there are open classes twice a week, which means that anyone can come to their class to watch the choreographies. Of course, after all that, Minho wanted to see what a dance class was like here in Busan.

Before he got there he didn't know exactly what to expect. In the conservatory, there was a strict timetable for each class, which had to be strictly adhered to unless they wanted to earn punishment for themselves. Minho liked that kind of control back then, which he kept even when he was dancing alone.

"Minho, hello!" Chan waved as Minho entered the room. Woojin and Seungmin sat with him in the back row and apparently doing their homework.

"Hello!" smiled Minho and he sat down next to Chan. "What are you doing here?"

"We are doing our homework, it's the easiest to concentrate here," Seungmin said from the end of the line.

"But ..."

"Because Felix, I should stay anyway," Chan shrugged. “Today I'll take him home. I could take you home too, we live on the same side of the city.”

"Really? I didn't know you had a car. "

"I rarely use it," the elder replied. "But why are you here?"

"I wanted to see what a dance class was like," Minho shrugged. "Felix mentioned that they have a dance team and are holding an open audition ... I thought maybe ..."

"Are you dancing too?" Woojin asked curiously as he looked up from his notes.

"I used to dance," Minho explained.

"You didn't mention it," Chan said, and as Minho looked at him, he saw a little disappointment in his eyes. Did Chan feel bad for not telling him that he had been dancing in the past? But if he had said that, he would have had to talk about the conservatory, the accident, that he was really love ballet and that he had to give up.

"It didn't come to pass," Minho replied, but they couldn't talk anymore. The teacher arrived and the class started. Woojin, Seungmin and Chan returned to learning, and Minho concentrated to the middle of the room.

Among the students, he quickly recognized the shape of Felix and Hyunjin, who were quite ahead of the rest. Minho concluded that both were probably among the best in the group. Minho studied their movements, their posture, their entire being. Hyunjin was more of a more aggressive style, his every move was full of energy and hate - not in a bad way, Minho simply felt that it was the way he could express himself. Felix's movements were equally energetic and fast, and the boy simply wanted to get up and dance immediately as he watched him. Although there were similarities in style, Minho could easily distinguish them from their movements.

By the end of the class he had not noticed, but he was almost sat on the edge of his chair. Although this kind of dance was completely different from what Minho was used to, he enjoyed it immensely, as if he were learning about a whole new world.

"Did you like it?" Chan asked as he waited for his brother at the end of the class.

"Yes, very much, it was so different than ..." Minho paused suddenly.

"Than?" Chan asked with a smile. Minho was delighted that someone was engaged in his life, that he was dealing with him at all, just as Chan did. But he still couldn't tell him what had happened, he simply couldn't talk about the accident and everything he felt after he had to quit ballet. It was difficult, even hard to think, and even now he felt that it would have been better for him to lie still and endure the pain for the rest of his life, but still to stand on the stage.

"Anyway," Minho shook his head. "I think I'll try that audition."

"Really?" Felix asked suddenly as he stepped over to them. "We really need new members, we've missed out on so many competitions already."

"Maybe I'm not good enough for your team."

"I doubt it," Chan said thoughtfully.

"Chan?" Felix asked with a frown.

"Look at him, he must be a good dancer," Chan shrugged, then cleared his throat in embarrassment. "I mean he has good physique and everything ..." he added.

"Are you looking at Minho's physique?" Felix asked with a smirk.

"No!" Chan said and gradually blushed. "Let's get home if you're done," he added nervously, then left the room. Felix laughed as he looked at Minho.

"I haven't seen my brother blush for a while, it's worth it for you to come here Minho." smiled the younger and hugged his friend's shoulder as they followed Chan toward the exit. "I'm glad you'll come to audition, believe me it will be very good."

"You don't know if I am a good enough dancer yet," Minho said.

"No, but I have good feelings about you."

Sitting in the car, Minho began to feel that a new chapter had begun in his life. It didn't seem to be a mistake to come to Busan at all, but rather, it seemed that this place had given him new hope. Of course he still missed ballet, but he was happy. In the rearview mirror, he and Chan sometimes looked at each other and Minho couldn't help but be happy because of these stolen glances. His heart was beating faster every minute as he remembered what Chan had said - because he believed in Minho, he believed he was good enough to get into Felix and Hyunjin's dance group. The older probably didn't know what that meant for Minho, as he still didn't know about the accident and what life Minho had left behind in Seoul.

But Minho knew that once if he was able to tell all of this to someone, it would be Chan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, thank you for stopping by :)  
Sorry for the mistakes as usual, english is still not my first language :)


	3. Chapter 3

Minho wasn’t expecting to find his ballet shoes among his other stuffs as he prepared to school in the morning. He didn't even remember to pack it. He thought he had left this part of his life in Seoul, that after the move his feelings remained in the capital city. But now, holding the shoes in his hands, he felt like that he couldn’t get rid of the painful fragments of his past. A part of him wanted to forget it, but another part of him knew he could never get rid of those painful memories. Those memories were as much a part of his personality as the accident itself.

Before he left, he put the ballet shoes in his bag. Felix arranged for him to have some time for practice in one of the practice rooms before the audition. While he still wasn’t sure it's a good idea to start dancing again in any genre, if he remembered that how Hyunjin and Felix were dancing he just wanted to be a part of their team. He wanted to dance with them, he wanted to go to competitions with them, just like he used to.

***

"Are you ready for the audition?" Felix asked with a smile as they ran into each other at the university between their classes.

“I still need some time. So I can go to that practice room today, right? ”Minho asked.

"Of course, I arranged everything, you won't be disturbed for about an hour and a half. Then you could come to the auditon anytime, it will probably take a long time. Hyunjin said there were surprisingly a lot of people applied, ”the younger responded. "But don't worry, I'm sure you're a great dancer."

"I'm excited," the boy replied, laughing.

He didn't plan to do ballet at the audition, he just didn't feel he could. And of course he was afraid that he would feel pain again while dancing. However, there was a slight problem with this, as Minho was convinced that he would be unable to learn any other dance in the hour and a half that Felix arranged him thankfully. To be honest, he might even should told his friend that he wasn't prepared for the audition at all, and he was afraid he was just going to make a fool of himself. He wasn't sure that he could bear if he had been laughed at instead of getting applause.

If he thought about it felt like what he were doing here in Busan was like taking on a new role. The old Minho was full of ambition and only driven forward in life to be the first one in everything he ever started doing. He made a name for himself at the conservatory, dancing every day until he couldn’t even feel his own feet. But it wasn't such pain as he felt after the accident. This pain meant he worked hard to be where he was. The fact that he lost it all still eat him from the inside, but he couldn't show it here. Busan was not Seoul and Minho was not the same Minho who left the capital city.

***

The practice room Felix had booked for him was spacious and empty, almost scary. Minho hadn't been to a practice room for months, and now he felt like a stranger here. In the huge mirrors he was staring at himself for minutes, it was odd to see that he wasn’t dressed for ballet. He missed the control he had been taught at the conservatory for years. Uncertainly, he pulled his ballet shoes out of his bag and slid in them carefully.

He knew it was a bad idea, but he tried to make the moves he learned years before. Each one was in his head, each hiding in his daily movements. Ballet has been a part of Minho for years, dance and he were one, as if they were brothers.

As he circled around the room, he thought he was back on stage. He saw the audience, heard the music, felt the eyes on himself. But a moment later he cried out in pain and fell to his knees. He looked up in the mirror trembling and realized that nothing was the same as it was before. He had no audience, no stage and he was no longer a ballet dancer. Minho felt terribly average, but took a deep breath and rose from the ground.

His legs were throbbing with pain, but he forced himself to got up on his feet. The pain, the memories, the bitterness - all of them were his own demons that he alone could defeat. His heart ached, but he took off his ballet shoes and had to figure out something else to impress the dance team and get in.

His teachers used to chant odes about how quickly he learned choreographies. And now he had to make use of that knowledge. He had already saved several dancing videos on his phone the day before, so he started reviewing them. He had an alarmingly short amount of time left, but he still had to do his best to learn a possible choreography at least halfway and try to do at least a little bit of that in front of the dance team to let them belive that he could really dance to anything.

***

Minho was nervous, maybe he shouldn't have come to watch the other candidates. But he couldn't help but wanted to see them, which of course saddened him hince he wasn't the best here. He hadn’t know any of these boys, but it wasn't a classical dance team. He was nervously clutching the audition flyer, hoping that he would be able to dance properly in front of the others.

"Hi!" Chan suddenly greeted, and he winced.

"Chan! What are you doing here? ”Minho asked with a smile, hard to deny how pleased thet he was here.

"Today's the audition, I thought I'd check it out because of you," Chan replied and blushed.

"Oh." Minho didn't suddenly know what to say. He was glad because of Chan's presence, but he was afraid he would only laugh at him if he was making a fool of himself today. But he had a very good chance to be the center of laughting since he is not being properly prepared.

"Aren’t you glad I'm here?"

"No… I mean I'm really glad, just…" Minho suddenly stopped, but finally smiled again. “I'm glad you're here, really. I hope I do not disappoint you. ”

"Why would I be disappointed?" Chan asked puzzled, but he finally smiled. "I'm sure you're a wonderful dancer and you'll impress everyone."

Minho felt that these words gave him strength, even though everything now seemed hopeless. Chan, too, was the reason he changed here, he was the first kind face he had ever met, beacuse of him he dared to believe that he would really enjoy his time in Busan.

"Good luck," Chan said when he was finally called. Minho smiled at him, then walked to the middle of the room. Felix smiled reassuringly at him and Hyunjin waving to him, which made him feel not so alone. The rest of the dance team looked at him confidently, which was a bit scary, but he decided it was time to overcome his fears.

"So Minho… what genre did you dance to before?" Hyunjin asked with a kind smile.

"Classical," Minho said.

"Classical like ...?"

"It's just classical," Minho shrugged, not wanting to elaborate. It wasn't the conservatory, but a whole new chapter in Minho's life, it was pointless to talk about this now.

"Well then you can start," Felix finally said in an encouraging voice and Minho nodded.

He looked around the room for a moment, but now he didn't feel the same way when he was doing ballett in front of the audience. In the audience, he looked for Chan, who smiled reassuringly at him and whispered "good luck." to him, Minho smiled back, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

When he opened his eyes again, he nodded that the music could start. The familiar chords of „What a Feeling” filled the room and Minho forgot to thinking. It didn't matter who was watching him now and didn't matter the dance style either. The only thing that mattered that he could dance again and forget the wounds on his leg, forget everything. He felt as if he had been flying, the room was just a blur of colored patches as he turned arund and did a split. It was as if the pain never existed. Minho was free, his moves was graceful, but he wasn't stiff. He danced on instinct, he danced because he loved doing it and that's why he was Lee Minho.

When the song was over and Minho stopped, he didn't believe his eyes. The eyes of the auidence that scared him at first now glanced at him in awe of disbelief, and then the applause broke out. Even though it was another life, Minho now felt like he was on the most enormous stage in the world.

"Well, I think we have our first new member," Felix said enthusiastically, as the applause had dropped. "Congratulations, Minho and welcome to the team!"

"Thank you." Minho bowed as usual, as if he had finished a preformance and went happily out into the hallway. Many people congratulated him, asked him questions, but he couldn’t answer anything suddenly. Outside, he leaned against the wall as they called the next percon to preforme. He did it, he succeeded - he still couldn't believe it, but he really did it, he got into the team.

"Minho." Chan called at the next moment, he was smiling as he approached him in the hallway, then stopped in front of him.

"Chan." Minho smiled, and the next moment he hugged the older boy. He had never done such a thing before, he just did it, it was just like the same instinct he felt inside when he danced. Chan's scent was pleasant and reassuring, and Minho would never wanted to let him go.

"You danced really well, like ..." Chan pulled away to look him in the eye. Minho thought the boy couldn't find the right words. "I don't know like how you moved ... it was completely different from how my brother is dancing."

"Every dancer has his own style," Minho smiled.

"I know, but you were like a swan," Chan replied thoughtfully. "There was a fairy tale, The Swan Princess, Felix was crazy about it in our childhood, don't ask me why ... but that princess came to my mind when I saw you dancing."

"Seriously?" Minho asked with a smile.

"Yeah, because ... you were beautiful." Chan blushed again, and Minho started laughing.

"You've blushed a lot in the last few days," Minho said, laughing.

"I can't help it," Chan shrugged and finally laughed too.

"Thank you for being here," Minho finally said, hugging the older boy once more.

"I wouldn't have missed it," Chan replied, then they looked into each other's eyes again. "Congratulations, you deserve to be part of the team."

"Thank you," Minho nodded, but the smile suddenly melted from his face. He felt so free in the last minutes that he completly forgot about the pain, even though it was still there. Although not as strong as when the accident occurred, but it returned to the boy like an old friend. "I have to go to the bathroom," he added suddenly and would have turned away, but Chan gently grasped his arm.

"Wait, Minho, don't you want to celebrate getting in the team?" Chan asked kindly.

"Yes, of course," Minho nodded.

"I'll wait, let's go somewhere if you have no other things to do today."

"No, I didn't have any plan. I'll be right here soon," Minho said quickly, trying not to limp as he ran to the nearest restroom. He would have preferred to yell, but he put his hand to his mouth and locked himself in one of the booths for a few minutes while his tears were flowing.

"Everything's fine," he said to himself as he got out of the booth and wiped his face. He faked a smile in the mirror, this pretense had worked well for him for years. "All right, my feet don't hurt," he whispered, then, with the most radiant smile on his face he stepped out of the bathroom and Chan still waited for him to go to celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch the Flashdance reference? :) If you didn't I recommend the search Flashdance final dance on youtube, it inspired me a lot about Minho's audition :)  
(Side note: I am obsessed with the 80's, I really love movies/music and everything from that era)


	4. Chapter 4

Minho was really happy, he couldn't even put it in words what he was feeling, but knowing that he was part of the dance team was felt like a victory for him. However, he knew that the pain would not go away easily, so he was anxiously awaiting his first therapy treatment. He knew that he would only have a chance to live without pain if he had succeeded in this therapy and had to trust the doctor. He had to trust that he would be able to overcome the pain and be able to dance again. Felix told him the rehearsals wouldn't start for at least two more weeks, so Minho had time to get himself together. Plus, those two weeks could include plenty of therapy for him that could only be to his advantage.

"You kind of blossomed," his grandmother said with a smile before he could go to school that morning.

"You think so?" Minho asked and smiled back as he poured coffee into a thermos.

"It's good to see you having a good time," she said kindly. "Are you excited about the therapy?"

"A little bit," the boy shrugged. "I hope it helps."

"I'm sure it will be worth the time you invested," hud grandmother replied, then hugged her grandson before he could leave for school.

Minho's feelings had been completely unpredictable since coming to Busan. In fact, he experienced much more emotion here than in Seoul. Perhaps it was the conservatory that was the reason why Minho had always tried to control each of his feelings. It was different here, Minho felt as if he was born again as a whole new person. He would never admit to Chan and his new friends that he was not considered a good person at all in Seoul. But what makes someone a good person? Anyways he didn't want to deny that he was one of the dancers too who would tread on their rivals without thinking.

But Minho changed, which was because of the move too, but he was well aware that the primary reason for the change was the accident. He had never thought that this would change his personality that much. As if he were really a whole new person now.

***

Upon reaching the university, Chan was the first person he met. Minho had a good time with the older boy when they went to celebrate him getting into the dance team, they were just talking for hours. They talked about absolutely simple things, but with Chan it was so easy to talk about anything that time just kept flying. They only sat in a cafe, but Minho enjoyed every minute of it.

"Hi, how are you?" Chan asked with a smile as he accompanied Minho for his first class.

"Well, I still can't believe I'm in the team," Minho said with a smile. "Thanks for everything."

"For me?" Chan asked, surprised.

"Yes, what you said before my audition meant a lot." The boy nodded.

"I was telling the truth... listen, if you feel like it, we can go to grab a coffee again," said Chan and Minho could see the well-known blush on his face again.

"Sure." The younger boy nodded, then tehy said goodbye to each other and Minho went into his classroom.

Honestly Minho only cared about dance the last couple of days which meant that he cared less about his shcool stuffs. As a matter of fact, he didn't care about it at all. But what should he have done? Dance has always been his life and somehow he was not at all attracted to literature and linguistics. But he knew that if he did worse, he could be kicked out of the school too. But beacuse of his grandparents he simply couldn't let it be like that.

But only dance was in his minds, that how much new things he would learn in the dance team from now on. He wondered how much it would be different to dance here than at the conservatory. He couldn't know, but he knew he wanted to be the best here.

"Chan, can I ask you a favor?" Minho asked as he and the elder sat in the university canteen in between their classes.

"Sure," the boy nodded and closed his book, then looked at Minho. It was unbelievable, but they could spend hours with each other in silence without feeling uncomfortable.

"I think I need some help with school," Minho said, lowering his eyes. "I can't really find my place here."

“I'm always happy to help. You could have said earlier that there is somthing wrong” the boy said.

"Thank you, I think I didn't care enough about school because I was prepareing for the audition and I'm already behind."

"You said this major was a sudden change after what you learned, didn't you?" Chan asked.

"Yes," Minho nodded.

"Than it is not a surprise that you are feeling behind," Chan replied. “You still need some time, but I'm happy to help. Are you free on Saturday? ”

"Yes." He nodded again.

"I'm picking you up and we could go somewhere to study," Chan suggested, and Minho happily agreed to the meeting on Saturday.

He hoped that he would at least solve this problem and then put more energy into dance. Plus, he'll be able to spend even more time with Chan, which wasn't a bad thing either.

***

After school that day, Minho attended the first therapy and, despite the doctor being kind to him, the whole thing was a torture. Minho screamed in pain, but the doctor said it was part of the healing and he had to believe that he was telling the truth. Any cautious gesture caused terrible pain, but Minho had to put up with it because he wanted to dance again and this was the cost of being a dancer now.

"I know today what we did was terribly painful, but you were good," the doctor said after they finished that day. "If you can come more than once in a week, we can move forward faster."

"Really?" Minho asked hopefully. "Two weeks and the dance rehearsals start, if I can there I don't want to feel the same way as today."

"By then, your pain may ease, but it won't go away completely," the doctor replied. "So I have to ask you to be careful."

"All right, I'll try," Minho promised.

"Seriously, you have to take care of yourself," the doctor said. “Therapy is only effective if you pay attention to each of your movements. Not only in relation to dance, but also in everyday life. ”

"Okay," Minho nodded, though he had no idea how he would comply with the doctor's request. He had always been famous for giving everything into dance, but he couldn't do it now. Which meant that he would probably never be among the best again.

"I'll prescribe you a painkiller, but use this only if the pain is really unbearable," the doctor said, and wrote down the prescription so the boy could pick it up on his way home that day.

***

Minho waited excitedly for Saturday, as Chan promised he come to pick him up and talk to his grandparents in the living room as he collected his textbooks and notes. Chan was quickly liked by everyone, and Minho's grandparents were no exception. The older boy was kind and polite to everyone, and seemed to be his grandparents were almost enchanted by him.

"Can we go?" Minho asked as he returned to the living room.

"Yes, if you have everything," Chan replied and got up from the couch.

"Yes," Minho nodded. "A few hours and I'm coming home," he turned to his grandparents.

"Just have fun," his grandmother said kindly, smiling at them.

"We're just going to study, Grandma," Minho replied, but now it was he who was blushing, not Chan.

“It’s okay, but you have to have a little fun. Go to the cinema or something, ”his grandfather suggested and winked at him.

"Grandfather!" Minho said vervously.

"I think we should go," Chan said suddenly and gently gripped Minho's arm to pull him toward the exit.

"I'm sorry, my grandparents ..." Minho explained as they headed downtown.

"They seemed really nice," Chan said, still not releasing Minho's arm, but he couldn't complain about it. "It shows how much they love you."

"Yes, that's right," Minho nodded. "Maybe they are too nice sometimes."

"You're important to them, that's a good thing," Chan said. "Where should we go? There's a coffee shop not far away, Felix says the coffee is good there. ”

"It will be good there," Minho replied.

Although learning didn't seem like the best Saturday program, Minho was pleased that he could spend his time with Chan. The café was nice and homely, and Chan explained very well what Minho hadn't understood before, everything was starting to become clear to him. He dared to believe that after that he might be able to perform well in class.

"So, is it clear now?" Chan asked.

"I think so," Minho nodded. "Thanks for helping me, maybe I'm not going to make a fool of myself in class now."

"You can take my old notes, I don't think the curriculum has changed very much," Chan said, putting his old notes in front of the boy.

"Chan, why did you choose this major?" The boy asked as he closed his books.

“I want to be a language teacher. You know, my parents live in Australia, I'm good at English too, so that seemed obvious. ”Chan shrugged. "But I also like to write."

"Write? For example, novels? ”

"Yeah, things like that," Chan nodded and smiled again. "No big deal, I've never dared to send them to any publisher."

"Why? They are certainly good, I would love to read them. ”

"You know what, you can read them if you tell me your secret, too." Now it was Minho's turn to blush.

"My secret?" Minho asked and lowered his eyes.

"The reason you come here to study," Chan replied, then gently touched the boy's hand. “Listen, I don't want to force it, I just want to help. Others may not have noticed that something was wrong with you, but I noticed. When the time comes, I hope I will be the first one that you will tell what happened to you in Seoul. ”

Minho didn't react, just looked at Chan for a few minutes and wondered how this boy could be real. Chan was as kind to him as no one ever before, even though they had known each other for quite a short time. Somehow, Minho felt he could be himself with Chan. He didn't even think as he’s leaning close to the older and kissing him, the old Minho would never have done that. Chan's lips were coffee-flavored and soft, but the best part was that he kissed him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this chapter wasn't really great, I still hope you liked it :)


	5. Chapter 5

After the coffee-flavored kiss, Minho felt that everything had changed. The boy felt the same like he was in Seoul, and suddenly again he was terribly lonely. But this loneliness was different from what he felt at the conservatory - this loneliness hurt, just like the wounds on his leg. This kind of loneliness was unknown for him until now and Minho feared that he did something wrong. He almost regretted taking the courage and kissing Chan. The old Minho wouldn't have done that, the old Minho wouldn't care about love or any other emotion. Chan, on the other hand, was different from other people the boy had ever met before, and because of him Minho felt emotions that he never felt before.

Minho didn't want the coffee-flavored kiss to be their last shared memory. He didn't know why, but Chan was an important part of his life in Busan. He was the first kind face he met, the first person to help him when he was completely alone and lost on his first day. He didn't feel alone for a minute with Chan, never got bored with him, and simply knew he could always count on him. Therefore, it was alarming that Chan suddenly disappeared completely.

"Do you think Chan is avoiding me?" Minho asked Felix before the first real dance rehearsal.

"My brother is avoiding you? Is this serious now? ”Felix asked, surprised. "For days he didn't talk about anything else than you," he added.

"Really?" Minho asked with a smile, but the smile melted quickly from his face when he remembered that it didn't really matter that Chan had only talked about him for days if he were to avoid the boy now as if he were infectious.

"Yeah, he did blush so many times because of you," Felix laughed. "Listen, I think Chan has been strange since you studied together on that weekend ..."

“Oh yeah, then everything was fine. But what could have gone wrong? ”Minho asked thoughtfully.

"What exactly happened that day?" Felix asked as they began to stretch together.

“Well… we were studying because I'm pretty behind on lectures and everything. Honestly, I am not too interested in linguistics and literature. ”Minho shrugged. "Then he told me that you came from Australia and he loves to write."

"Oh yes, he has written at least thirty novels until now, but he said they were terrible," Felix nodded.

“He said I could read them if I told him why I changed school during the year. And then I kissed him. ”

"What?" Felix exclaimed so loudly that everyone looked at them for a moment.

"I kissed him," Minho repeated himself, as if it were natural. "I only…"

"Did you really kiss him? You?” Felix asked, then smiled. "Okay, I think I understand why he got so weird now."

"Did I do something wrong?" Minho asked timidly.

"No, in fact, I think he was very happy, he's just probably trying to get himself together. Actually, I think he likes you since he frist met you. He even came to your audition, and belive me he don't care about these things in the past. He also rarely comes to our preformances, even though he could have done it for me, ”Felix explained. “Give him some time, okay? I think he’s just thinking about where to bring you for a date next time. "

"Okay, of course, I'll give him time," Minho said, then Felix hugged him tightly the next moment.

"I'm so glad, Chan has never been in love," Felix said enthusiastically.

"Oh, I’ve never been in love too," Minho said and blushed, but then the rehearsal began, so they didn't have time to talk about it anymore.

Minho decided he would not take painkillers unless the pain really became unbearable. The therapies came in handy, the doctor told the truth, the pain was not as severe as it used to be, but it was still there. There were days when he was much worse and at other times he hardly felt it. But he felt that it would be better to use the painkiller before the dance rehearsal.

"Your moves are so different than the others," said Momo, one of the girls on the team as she stepped next to Minho during the rehearsal.

"Really?" Minho asked. He tried to make sure he didn't move like he used to do in his ballet classes. Maybe he was trying too much, it was hard to change his foot movments after such a long time trained by ballet teachers, he was afraid that modern dance would never work for him.

“Yes, I noticed it already at the audition. I really liked the way you danced, reminded me of a friend. ”

"Who?" Minho asked.

"Myoui Mina's her name, you know, she’s a ballet dancer," Momo said, and Minho's blood froze for a moment. He knew Myoui Mina, she attended the same conservatory as him, and Minho performed with her in Swan Lake. But the fact that Momo was mentioning the name of a person who happened to be studying in the same conservatory in Seoul as Minho was seemed almost impossible.

"Myoui Mina?" Minho asked in a trembling voice, hoping he'd heard the name wrongly. "I…"

"Do you know her? She attended the Seoul Ballet Conservatory, it’s a very famous school ... but wait, you came from Seoul, didn't you? ”Asked Momo thoughtfully, but Minho couldn't say a word. "Are you okay, Minho?" She asked in a worried voice.

Minho shook his head, he wasn’t okay at all. He felt that his two lives had suddenly met and he was not at all pleased. He wanted to forget what happened in Seoul, he wanted to forget the conservatory, but Mina's name brought back old memories. Minho looked down at his leg, he was the only one who could see the wounds on his leg, even through his pants. Mina probably would have known that the wounds are there too if they had met in Busan and the boy's secret would have been revealed that way.

“Sit down a little bit if you are not feeling well. Do you want me to bring some water for you? ”Momo asked still in a worried voice.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine," Minho said, shaking his head. "Your friend's name was familiar, but I think I was confused her with someone else," he added quickly, then moved away from her. If Momo finds out about his past life then Felix and Hyunjin will find out about it too shortly, and they will tell everything to Chan too. And Minho couldn't let it happen, Chan simply couldn't find out that his life was a catastrophe, and he is no more than a ruined toy now. No, he wanted to start a new life here with a clean sheet, but now his past seemed to chase him again. Minho knew the conservatory and the accident were an indelible part of his life, but he would hate to see the same look on Chan's face as everyone else looked at him after the accident.

***

"Felix, I have to meet Chan somehow today, you don't know where he is now?" Minho asked after the dance rehearsal. During the rehearsal he could forget his problems, but as soon as it ended he realized he could no longer escape his secrets. Although he didn't want to see the pity on Chan's face, it seemed a better idea to hear his own story from him than to hear it from rumors.

"I think he's home now, you can come over," Felix said. "Are you all right?" He asked in a worried voice.

"Yes, of course," Minho nodded, but he was so embarrassed and tired everything to avoid looking at Momo, who was talking to Hyunjin and another girl on the other end of the room. He couldn't let her talk about Mina again and even mention ballet in front of others.

"If you are worried about kissing my brother, I think you have no reason for it," Felix said kindly, Minho was happy thet he tried to calm him down, but unfortunately the younger boy had no idea why he was nervous.

"I don't know, but I need to talk to him," Minho said. "Is it really okay if I go to your place now?"

"Of course, maybe Jisung and Changbin are there too," Felix shrugged. "You know those three spend an abnormal amount of time together."

"I know," Minho nodded.

"Then get dressed and we can go," the younger boy said, and after Minho nodded, they left for the dressing room.

Chan and Felix rented a smaller apartment in the city, but Minho had no time to look around when they arrived. Like Felix predicted earlier, Changbin and Jisung were hanging out at their apartment, as well as Seungmin.

"Hi, look who I brought with me," Felix said enthusiastically, but Minho didn't look as enthusiastic as he waved to the others.

"Chan we need to talk," Minho said, and the others exchanged a look.

"Are you all right, Minho?" Chan asked in a worried voice as he got up from the couch.

"Can we talk in private?" The younger boy asked. "I’m so sorry, I don't want to hurt anyone, but me and Chan ..." started Minho nervously.

"Relax, it's okay," said Jisung in a comforting voice.

"Let's go to my room," Chan said quickly and Minho nodded, then they quickly retreated to the older boy's room.

After Chan closed the door, Minho suddenly didn't know what to say. Until he got here, he was definitely sure it was time for confess everything to Chan. Even if he would never tell anyone what happened to him before he came to Busan, he owed Chan enough to tell him the truth. But now that they were alone, it was difficult for him to find his thoughts, because he felt like Chan wouldn’t have understood his pain too. Chan wasn’t a dancer and wasn’t in an accident which forced him to give up his passion forever.

"Minho, are you okay?" Chan asked in a worried voice. "You don't look good."

"I'm fine… but actually no," Minho admitted confused. "Chan, I have to tell you something, but I don't know how and ... why are you avoiding me?" The boy asked suddenly. He didn't know why he had just remembered that they hadn't talked to each other since the kiss, but he had a thousand thoughts in his head and all had to do with Chan.

"I'm not avoiding you," Chan said quickly but lowered his eyes.

"I kissed you," Minho said, moving one step closer to the other boy. "You kissed me back, I don't understand what did I do wrong ..."

"Nothing, I'm sorry, I handled the situation stupidly," Chan said nervously. "I didn't know what would happen after the kiss ... and that's why I wasn't looking for you. I was stupid, I know, but I was afraid what would happen to us from now on. ”

"Chan…" Minho said, holding out a hand to grab the older boy's arm. "I don't know what was going to happen after the kiss too, but I would love to see you on Monday morning just like any other day."

"I'm sorry, I'm not very good at these kind of things," Chan laughed still nervously.

"I know, Felix mentioned it." Minho smiled. "Then what now ..."

"We could go on a real date, if that's good for you," Chan said, pulling the younger boy closer to him. "Can you forgive me?"

"Chan ... no forgiveness is needed," Minho said, leaning closer to Chan, then kissed the boy slowly. Chan pulled him closer softly as he kissed him back, and the younger boy loved this kiss just as much as the first one in the cafe. For hours he could have endured not doing anything but hugging each other and kissing until one of them needed to breathe, but he remembered that was not why he came here today. "Actually… we need to talk about something else too," Minho said, pulling away from the older boy.

"What?" Chan asked.

"The reason why I came here from Seoul," the younger boy replied, and the mood changed quickly in the room. Chan gently stroked Minho's face with his hand, then kissed his lips softly for a short time.

"No, you don't have to talk about it yet," Chan said quietly. "It's not time yet."

"But, believe me, it's time. I don't want to lie to you, Chan. ”

"Not telling me something is not lying," Chan replied with reassurance. “I think you are not ready to tell me everything, so we don't have to talk about it yet. We have a lot of time, ”said the older boy, but Minho shook his head, not feeling like he had much time after today's dance rehearsal.

"Chan, I was a ballet dancer in Seoul," said Minho, it was time to tear the bandage off. "I was a student at the Seoul Ballet Conservatory, but I had to quit because I had an accident."

"Minho, we don't need to talk about it," Chan said more emphatically.

"But I must, please, Chan I have to tell someone and…"

"I know you were a ballet dancer," Chan interrupted. “After your audition, Hyunjin found articles about you on the internet, he searched for you because he didn't want to believe that you could dance like that without any professional training. I was the first one who he told it, because he knew that I… I like you. I asked him not to tell anyone else. I know everything, but I wanted you to tell me exactly what happened if it is the right time. ”

Minho didn't say anything, just kissed the boy again, it was still incredible that Chan was real. It didn't matter that Chan knew what had happened, because he didn't think Minho was worthless. Minho felt that he had come home, that it was worth moving to Busan, and that his dream of becoming a ballet dancer was over, but now a new chapter in his life had begun, which meant he might have a new dream too. And Chan was definitely the person Minho had always waiting for to come in his life.

"If you want, we can talk about it all later, but I don't think this is the best time for it," Chan said.

"If everyone finds out about it, then ..."

"Then there will be nothing, Minho this is not a conservatory. I think most people here don't even know that there is such as a conservatory. As for the accident, it is not your fault, ”Chan said, gently stroking the boy's hair.

“No, the accident was not my fault. But because of that accident, I can't be a ballet dancer anymore, ”Minho said, feeling his eyes teary. "Chan, this was my whole life until the accident."

Chan carefully wiped the tears from Minho's eyes, then slowly pulled the younger closer and hugged him. Minho felt secure in Chan's arms, and although he didn't consider himself a good person for a long time now, he now felt that he could become a better person with Chan. Ballet was his life for a long time and it was hard to let go, but now he felt it was time to finally bury this dream.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see, I’ll make it right for you." Chan whispered in his ear, and Minho, without hesitation, believed the older's words. Chan was the hope, Chan was everything Minho had longed for in this life. He was just hoping that he could be good enough and make him happy too. Minho didn't want to be lonely again, he needed Chan because he felt alive next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone!
> 
> After the unexpected news this week I hope everyone is all right. If you need to talk to anyone feel free to talk to me.  
Please support Stray Kids and Woojin as always, they need our love more than ever.
> 
> Also I hope you all liked this chapter, I'll try to update once more this weekend if I have the time.  
Thank you so much for stopping by!


	6. Chapter 6

Minho felt happier than ever. He had no idea that sincerity could be so liberating. Although Chan didn't know the full story yet, he was right that they had plenty of time to talk about it. However, Minho also realized that it would be better for Hyunjin and Felix to find out the truth from him, so after one therapy session he met them in the city and honestly told them as much as he told to Chan. He didn't go into details, but maybe it wasn't important, after all, Hyunjin was the one who found those articles about him on the Internet.

"You could have told this to us already at the audition," Hyunjin said. "I've seen articles about you, could you imagine there are even videos of you on youtube?" he added with a smile.

"I didn't know that," Minho laughed.

"You're a real celebrity." Felix smiled, too. “Listen, if your injury affects anything, you can take a break from rehearsals at any time. None of us wants you to push yourself. We'll figure something out and the others won't ask about it either. "

“There's no way. Now that I can dance again, I realized how much I missed it, ”Minho said, not wanting his friends to feel sorry for him, but he knew it was inevitable. People started to feel sorry for him automatically, especially if they knew how much dance meant to him. "I'm glad to be able to dance again, that alone makes me happy."

"Why, doesn't my brother make you happy enough?" Felix asked, winking at the older boy.

"Felix! Nothing happened between us! ”Minho laughed nervously.

"The last time I went home you’re making out on the couch, I thought it means something had happened," the younger boy said, smiling. "Trust me, I'm the most happy with this, Chan is finally happy and apparently you are too."

"Yes, he makes me happy," Minho replied with a blush. "But that's not important right now..."

"No, it's important," Hyunjin replied. "I suddenly feel awfully single," he added, laughing.

"Hyunjin, you could date anyone, we all know that," Felix said.

"Obviously, but I don't like commitment so much," Hyunjin shrugged. "Returning to the dance, are you sure you can never do ballet again?" The boy asked as he looked back at Minho.

"I don't think so," MInho shook his head sadly. "That dream is over anyway," he added.

"But these therapies could help, don't they?" Felix asked hopefully.

"Well, I think I need more time," Minho replied. “It would be nice to be able to do ballet again, but I don't want to hope so much. In the end, it would only hurt if I couldn't stand on stage again. But I've never missed a Christmas preformance before. ”

"Christmas preformance?" Hyunjin asked, he and Felix were enthusiastic when Minho talked about the conservatory. For them, the world in which Minho grew up was just as new as the older one for their world.

“Every year at Christmas, the main event was The Nutcracker performance. It is always a full house preformance, ”Minho explained. “And almost every year I was able to play the Nutcracker Prince in the preformance. Of course, this is not going to happen this year. ”

"Then who's going to play it?" Felix asked.

"Yoon Jeonghan, there's no other way," Minho said immediately, Hyunjin and Felix staring at him, waiting for an explanation of who Yoon Jeonghan was. "He's ... a very good dancer."

"But?" Hyunjin asked.

"We can say he was my biggest rival in the conservatory," Minho said with great difficulty. "We didn't really like each other."

"There was a lot of drama there, I guess" Felix said. “But don't feel bad about him playing the Nutcracker Prince instead of you. Instead, you can come with us to the Christmas competition, which is quite different in modern dance, but believe me, we will win there, ”added the boy enthusiastically.

"Oh yes, we're sure we'll win there," Hyunjin nodded. "If you got better by then, we could put ballet elements into the choreography, I think that would be really cool."

"Really?" Minho asked enthusiastically, but he soon realized that there was no point in being too happy until every sentence began with the "if your feet were better ...". He couldn't be sure that it would really happen, but he wanted to be there for the Christmas competition, and yes, if he could, he wanted to be part of the team as a ballet dancer.

He no longer dreamed of ever becoming the Nutcracker Prince, but instead dreamed of being part of an interesting dance team and bringing his own colors to the show. Which meant that he might have shown who he really was without having to get into a role.

***

Ever since Minho and Chan had officially begun to date, Minho began to feel that everything was in place. He had never thought about a romantic relationship before, he didn't really care about love, but now he realized that it was probably the emotions that were missing from his life. Of course he could express his feelings with ballet, but real life wasn't just about dancing. In real life he had to express himself somehow, which had proved difficult so far.

"Felix said you told him and Hyunjin about the accident," Chan said as they sat on the couch in the older boy's and Felix's apartment.

"Yes, I thought it would be better if I tried to be honest with them," Minho replied.

"That sounds good, but don't force it if you feel you have a hard time talking about it," the elder replied, gently squeezing the boy's thigh with his hand, Minho felt it is soothing him perfectly.

"I don't know," Minho replied, looking at Chan's hand on his thigh. The boy began to stroke him slowly, which made him shiver.

"Believe me, no one here will force you to talk about this trauma."

"I just don't want people to think I'm… worthless."

“How can you say that, Minho? You’re not worthless, it was just an unfortunate accident and you have to learn how to overcome it, ”Chan said. "That's why you move from Seoul after all, didn't you? To change it. ”

"Chan, I wasn't really a good person back in Seoul," Minho said, turning to the boy and putting the older’s hand between his fingers, which had been caressing his thigh until now. "The world of ballet dancers is pretty… complex."

"You don't need to explain, Minho," Chan said in a reassuring voice, then leaned closer to the boy and kissed his cheek. "I don't know what it was like at the conservatory, but it doesn't matter because you're here now and maybe it sounds stupid, but that's how it all had to happen for you to meet me."

“Yes, it can be explained that way too. But I don't understand what you like about me. "

"Do you have to understand everything?" Chan asked and smiled. “Even if you didn't consider yourself a good person long ago, you must have been good in a way. There is something good in everyone. ”

Minho was still surprised that Chan saw the positive side of almost everything. But now he was actually happy that the older boy didn't know him when he was a ballet dancer. Maybe then he wouldn't have thought that anything was good in Minho. He didn't want to hide for a moment what kind of person he was, only lived for dance and victory - it would have made no sense to pretend he was a better person than he was. But maybe he really changed, or at least wanted to change, maybe because of Chan.

Chan was his first boyfriend and it was probably too early to tell, but his first love too. He was happy because the older boy and wished Chan could be happy because of him too.

***

Minho spent the weekend with therapy and helping his grandparents around the house. He went to town to go shopping, his grandmother wrote him a list of what she needed, so it didn't last long to pick up everything. Packed with heavy bags and leaving the store was the first time he had a shocking experience in the form of a huge billboard since he arrived in Busan.

Minho dropped the bags as he watched the poster with glassy eyes. It was a beautiful poster, with a male and a female ballet dancer standing in the middle, behind them a blue background and the name of the Seoul Ballet Conservatory glittering in silver. The boy had some time to understood the poster proclaiming that the Conservatory would hold a preformance in the city less than a month later. Minho knew there was nothing unusual about it, the Conservatory had actually held preformances once a year outside Seoul, but Busan had never came to viwe when he attended the school. Of course, now that Minho was here, this had to happen.

He didn't know exactly when he picked up his phone, but he automatically called Chan.

"Minho? Are you alright? ”Chan's voice was distant, Minho almost couldn’t hear anything else than his own uneven breathing and his feet hurt more than ever before. He still couldn’t pull his eyes away from the poster. And the throbbing pain took away all his power as if it had eaten up all his senses from within. "Minho? What's wrong? Where are you?"

"I came to shop and ... here is this poster ..." Minho breathed unevenly, unable to form words as if the poster had been hypnotized him.

“What poster? Minho, shall I pick you up from somewhere? ”Chan's voice was worried. Minho lowered his eyes and shook his head, then took a deep breath.

"Could you come for me?" He asked quietly as he closed his eyes and tried not to look completely insane.

"Sure," Chan replied quickly. "Can you tell me exactly where you are?"

Minho told him, though he couldn't tell the street name. Fortunately, though, Chan knew where he was and was there half an hour later. By the time Minho sat on a nearby bench, bags of freshly purchased food lay on the ground beside him.

"Minho?" Chan looked at him anxiously as he parked and got out of the car. "Hey, I'm here… what happened?" He asked as he sat down on the bench next to the boy.

"That's what happened," Minho replied, pointing to the poster.

"Oh." Chan said after looking at the poster. "Will they be performing here?"

"Yes, my grade will come," Minho replied, lowering his eyes. "I'm sorry I called you here ..."

"It's okay, you can call me anytime if you have a problem… actually give me your phone," Chan said and Minho handing him the device without thinking. "I set up a speed dial, when you press the one key, you’ll already calling me."

"It could be useful later," Minho said, and smiled bitterly. "I'm sorry I'm not feeling good ..."

"I'll help you take this home," Chan said, getting up to pick up the bags and put them in the trunk. Then he went back and helped Minho off the bench. "How's your legs?" Chan asked quietly as they were already in the car.

"When I saw the poster, it started to hurt again," Minho said. "But I left the painkiller at home."

"Maybe it's not a good idea to take the painkiller anyways," Chan said. "If you think about it, the pain will only come if you remember the conservatory or the accident."

"I must be crazy," Minho laughed bitterly.

"No, I think it's completely normal after such a trauma," Chan said, then carefully gripped Minho's hand. The younger boy was surprised by how well his hands fit into Chan's hands. As if they were created to hold each other's hands. "But I'm here, Minho, if anything happens ... I'm here."

"Thank you," Minho whispered and bowed his head, now he didn't want to cry. Instead, he wanted to forget the whole poster and the fact that in a month, his former classmates would all be here in Busan on a stage where Minho could never dance.

Minho's grandparents were delighted that Chan had brought their grandson home. Although they had not been told what the exact reason was, they were pleased with the presence of the older boy and invited him to dinner. Minho forgot the whole poster affair over dinner and was glad that his grandparents and Chan were having fun.

"Don't you want to stay here tonight, Chan? It's too late already, ”Minho's grandmother said as they began to collect the dirty plates.

"Oh, well, if that's okay to you ..." Chan said, and looked at Minho, who nodded with a smile. The boy would have been more than happy now if he didn't have to spend the night alone. "I'm just writing a message to my brother so he won't wait for me."

"Of course," Minho's grandmother nodded.

***

Minho loaned clothes for Chan for the night, though his shirts were not really the right size. Chan was a little shorter than him, but had wider shoulders than the younger boy, so he decided to sleep without a shirt. Minho felt his face burning as he lay in bed beside the older boy. Minho's bed would have been difficult to call comfortable, with two of them lying there, but it didn't matter. Minho just needed to be this close to the elder.

Chan stroked his hair in slow motion as he lowered his head to the older boy's chest. Chan's heartbeat was reassuring, so Minho could more easily forget what had happened in the city hours before.

"Do you feel better?" Chan asked quietly.

"Yes, much better," Minho replied, then looked up at the older boy. "Thank you for being here."

"It's natural," Chan said and smiled at the boy. "Sleep, I'll be here," he added, then Minho leaned closer to him and slowly fell asleep. Chan's closeness helped him to forget the pain and all the things that happened today. He hoped when he would wake up tomorrow morning than he wouldn't broke down when he saw the poster in town again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, however I am a tiny bit dissapointed in myself :)


	7. Chapter 7

Minho tried his best not to think about the conservatory and the fact that his former classmates would soon be all here in Busan to impress the local audience. Sometimes he found himself imagining himself standing on stage with them - the old Minho would not miss this opportunity for the world. But the old Minho remained in Seoul, so the new Minho had to accept that he no longer belonged to the conservatory. What once meant his life now turned into a faint memory. Minho tried to learn to love himself even after he was no longer a ballet dancer.

But he had to admit that loving himself was much harder than he thought. Minho considered himself extremely average and boring since giving up ballet. Dance made him more interesting, dance made him who he was. Now that this was no longer a part of his life, he somehow felt he was really worthless and he is practically nothing intresting anymore.

Chan was probably the only one who believed that it was not dance that made him who he was, he probably thinks that there really was something good in Minho which he hadn't seen in himself ever before.

"Yeah, you could be in the middle here and that would look perfect, you could do some ballet movements here," Hyunjin explained as he showed Felix and Minho a piece of their choreography and formations for the Christmas competition on a paper.

"I think it would look really cool," Felix agreed. “With the fans and everything, just imagine. Everyone's chin would fall. "

"Yes, I think so," Minho replied uncertainly.

"Don't you want to do that?" Felix asked sadly.

"I don't know, I'm not sure I should be in the middle," Minho said. "I mean, if the move didn't work, the whole preformance would be ruined because of me."

"Why wouldn’t it work?" Hyunjin asked. "You said your legs are in better condition now."

"Well, not really ..."

"What?" Felix asked. "Just don't say it got worse."

"No, but it's completely unpredictable ... Chan says it is due to the trauma and it doesn't really hurt actually, like it is not even real pain. So I don't use painkillers, but sometimes I could kill for it if I could only use one, ”Minho bitterly admitted.

"It doesn't make sense if the pain isn't real," Felix said, and Chan said exactly the same thing to the boy days ago.

"I think I'm really going crazy."

"You can't be, we're not finished the competition yet," Hyunjin said. "Please give some more time for this going crazy thing, okay?"

"Hyunjin, I ..."

"Everything will work out, you have nothing to worry about," Felix said. "Together we will get over this."

"For the first time in my life, I have real friends and I feel as if it's all just a dream," Minho laughed bitterly. "I sincerely hope this dream will never end."

"It won't, it’s okay, we are here for you," Felix said kindly.

"So you would like to be in the center, right?" Hyunjin asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Yes." Minho nodded with a smile and sincerely hoped he wouldn't disappoint anyone. He knew that was not the best attitude, since he had thought like this through his whole life, he wanted to impress others so much while actually he was struggling to be recognized as a great dancer.

***

After the meeting and rehearsal, Chan came to pick up Minho. Since the younger’s last breakdown, Chan didn't want to him to be left alone for a minute. Every afternoon he accompanied him home, which Minho's grandparents were very happy about, because they really liked the older boy.

"Are you all right?" Chan asked after Minho greeted him with a quick kiss.

"I think so," Minho nodded. "It looks like I'm going to have a separate part in the choreography."

"Congratulations, it sounds good," Chan said with a smile. "Aren't you excited?"

"I am ... but you know, the pain ..."

"We'll figure something out by then, don't worry," Chan said kindly and pulled Minho closer so he could kiss him. Minho melted into the boy's arms and would have liked to have stayed that way, but still had to change his clothes before they could leave.

"I'm going to change clothes," Minho said, pulling away from the boy.

"Do you have to hurry home?" Chan asked.

"No," Minho shook his head.

"Okay, I want to take you somewhere," Chan said enthusiastically.

"Really? Where? ”Minho asked curiously.

"Surprise," Chan replied, kissing the boy's cheek. "Hurry up, we have to be there in half an hour," he added.

"You're very mysterious, I like it," Minho laughed, then went to change.

However, he didn't expect Felix and Jisung to be in the locker room in a way he never wanted to see them. He had no idea what Jisung is doing here at all, but the way he and Felix were making out tell the boy that that it wasn't a new thing between them.

"What the hell?" Minho asked, perhaps too loud.

"Minho!" Felix pushed Jisung away so fast that the poor boy's back hit the opposite cabinet. "I thought you and Chan were already left!"

"Obviously," Minho said. "What the hell are you doing here?" The elder asked puzzled.

"Nothing, I fell." Felix lied without a blink.

"On Jisung’s mouth?" Minho asked in shock. "Are you together now or what?"

"Please don’t tell Chan!" Jisung is begging, as he moved closer to Minho. "Two years ago, he threatened me and Changbin if we just look at Felix we're done."

"What? Chan would never say that, ”Minho said, as Chan was kind to everyone. Why would he say exactly that to his two best friends?

"Yes, I thought so, but he said that," Felix said. "I was there, believe me seriously, but ..." Felix stepped closer to Jisung and laced their fingers together. "We love each other."

"How long has it been going on?" Minho asked in shock. He wasn't surprised that he didn't notice there was something between Felix and Jisung, but that Chan didn't even notice it was quite surprising. Chan was able to read well from people's movements, even from their jitters, so if he knew all about it, then maybe he didn't say anything because it didn't really bother him.

"A little over half a year," Jisung replied. "Will you tell Chan?"

"No, I think that's not my job, but yours," Minho said honestly. "I just want to change clothes, Chan wants to take me somewhere and we have half an hour to get there."

"Minho ..." Felix said, releasing Jisung's hand to move closer to the older boy. “I'm going to tell Chan, but the perfect moment has not yet come. Believe me, I wouldn't be happy if he kills Jisung when things are going so well. "

"He won't kill him, I'm sure," Minho said. "But it’s really your job to tell him that you two are dating. I'm happy for you anyway, you two look surprisingly cute together. ”

"Thanks." Felix smiled and Minho couldn't help but notice the faint blush on his face.

***

Minho found it harder to keep Felix and Jisung’s secret to hide then when his legs hurt. He was used to being honest with Chan, but he couldn’t tell him that. If Felix and Jisung really loved each other, they had to tell Chan honestly by themselves.

"Is everything okay?" Chan asked as they sat in his older’s car. "You're so silent."

"I'm just excited about where you're taking me," Minho said with a smile.

"To the theater," Chan said. "You will like it."

"You haven't looked like a theater goer before."

"Oh, I'm not, but your grandmother recommended this piece," the older boy said, smiling. "They'll dance in it, too."

"Ballet?" Minho asked, but he couldn't decide whether to be happy or not.

"Not completely," Chan replied, and soon Minho understood what he meant. The older boy took him to a piece that wasn't explicitly includes monologues, instead the actors brought the story of Alice in Wonderland to life with dance. Minho had seen contemporary dance before, which applied some elements of ballet perfectly. This type of dance was perfect for someone to express themselves, and Minho knew this was what the dance team would need. He had almost seen similar movements in their choreography come to life, and he was eager to tell Hyunjin and Felix as well.

For a moment, Minho imagined the stage where he would soon be standing. Of course, he knew it was going to be a different stage than he was used to, but it didn't matter because he wanted to stand there more than anything else and as a part of the team he wanted to bring a story to life. He wanted to show that he could dance. He wanted to think he would not hurt to see his former classmates when they were in Busan, but he knew that the accident and the ballet had left a mark on him that he would never be able to erase.

"How did you like it?" Chan asked as they walked back to the car with their hands laced together.

“It was wonderful, did you see how the dancers moved? Chan, that was just magical! ”Minho said enthusiastically. “I'm glad you brought me here. Did you like it too? ”

"Sure, even though I'm biased, I like the way you dance better," Chan replied smiling and kissed the boy as they stopped by the car. "Don't you want to sleep with me today? Tomorrow morning, neither of us has any classes. ”

"I really want to, but ..." Minho couldn't really find an excuse, but Chan hadn't seen the wounds on his legs yet. They had slept together several times, but Minho was still afraid of it, to show himself completly to Chan.

"What's wrong?" Chan asked immediately in a worried voice.

"My legs," Minho replied. "I don't have my pajamas with me."

"We've avoided me seeing your legs so far, haven’t we?" Chan asked and gently squeezed Minho's hand. The boy didn't know what to say for a long time, just watching his hand, which fits perfectly in Chan's hand.

"Maybe it might be time for you to see those wounds," Minho said, finally looking into Chan's eyes. "These injuries are a part of me and you have to see them."

"Are you sure?" Chan asked, but instead of answering Minho leaned closer and kissed him. He had never been so sure of anything.

Not long after, in the safety of Chan's room, Minho felt more relaxed than ever. The lamp on the bedside table dimly lit the tiny room, and Minho carefully pulled up his trousers he borrowed from Chan for the night. Chan asked at least a thousand times if he was sure he would want show his wounds, but every time Minho firmly said yes. If Chan hadn't sat on the bed with him, he might have hesitated, but somehow he felt that Chan would be able to accept him anyway.

Minho watched Chan's face as the elder gradually saw the wounds that told Minho's story. The uneven cuts and traces were all part of Minho's life, part of the pain. Chan touched them gently with his fingers, Minho shivering pleasantly at his feather like touches.

"You're beautiful," Chan said, looking into Minho's eyes. "The most beautiful person I've ever seen," he added, then took his fingers off the wounds and pushed them gently into Minho's soft hair.

"Don't make me cry," Minho asked with a smile, but he could already feel the tears in his eyes.

Chan laughed softly as he leaned close to the boy and kissed him. Minho thought that this moment couldn’t have been more innocent - he sincerely hoped that it would remain so forever. Because that moment was perfect, and Minho hoped Chan would never disappear from his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as always, thank you for the kudos too :) hope you all enjoyed this chapter as well :)


	8. Chapter 8

A month passed and Minho felt he had finally found the perfect balance between dance rehearsals and school works. If he was stuck in learning, Chan was always available, but surprisingly he did quite well, though he was still not particularly committed to linguistics and literature. Sometimes, during the lessons, he was rather busy with thinking about how to perfect his movements for the next rehearsal.

He was so immersed in learning new styles and moves that he almost didn't realize how fast this month had passed. However, a flyer soon reminded him that the students of the Conservatory arrived in the city. Minho knew that, in spite of his sadness, he wouldn’t be on stage with them again, it would have been pointless to dream about it.

"Are they already in town?" Chan asked as he removed the leaflet from the younger boy's hand.

"A month has passed and I hardly noticed it," Minho replied. "I was so busy figuring out my part for the competition."

"And have you managed to figure something out?" The elder asked as he hugged him and pulled him closer. Yesterday the came the first snow and Busan switched to a wintery mood, the streets were brightly lit at night and Minho loved to walk down the streets after he and Chan both finished school for the day.

"I think there is still room for improvement," Minho said.

"Can I see what the choreography was like before the competition?"

"Well, you have to talk to your brother too to get his premission," Minho laughed. Thinking of Felix, he remembered that the younger had still not admitted to his brother that he and Jisung were in love with each other. Even Minho didn't understand how nobody wasn’t notice, how Jisung looked at Felix, and how Felix looked back at him. Although Minho didn't know much about love, he knew Jisung and Felix really loved each other. On the other hand, he was sure that it wouldn't really bother Chan anymore. Jisung was one of his best friends, and Felix was his brother, both of them were important to him, and Minho knew that the happiness of both of them was important to the older - and if they were happy together, why would it bother Chan?

"But you're my boyfriend, you should arrange for me to see it," Chan laughed.

"I'm not that influential," Minho replied. "But I'll see what I can do," he added.

"Look, it looks like the famous show is going to be here," Chan said as they stopped in front of the theater, where a month ago they were watching a show together. Minho wished he could remember the theater for a good memory, but he was afraid it wouldn't work for him now. The poster of the Conservatory glittered brightly on the front of the theater, announcing the first performance on Friday night, followed by two on Saturday and Sunday.

"It seems so," Minho replied, depressed. "They may be doing rehearsals here right now," he added, and Chan gently squeezed his hand and pulled him toward the street food vendors.

"You really didn't have any friends in the conservatory?" Chan asked as he gazed across the stalls.

"I couldn't say that I have any," Minho shrugged. "Being there was not really about friendships."

"Then you had enemies?" Chan guessed.

"Oh yes, I had," Minho replied bitterly. "I wasn't too popular."

"Being outstanding in something is never popular."

“That's not true, everyone loves you and you are good at everything. As if you weren't real, ”Minho replied. "Really, maybe I just made you up?"

"Imaginary first boyfriend?" Chan laughed. "Trust me, I'm real."

After they stopped for a moment, Minho leaned closer and kissed Chan's cheek.

"You really look real." He smiled as he looked at him and dragged him between the stalls and the scents along the street.

***

"I have no idea what to do, Jisung always pushing me to tell Chan that we are dating," Felix said nervously as he, Minho and Hyunjin warmed up for the evening dance rehearsal. Minho was back in therapy in the morning, his legs were in better shape now, but of course he was still worried about whether he would succeed in the moves he had planned.

“I don't understand why you're making this into such a big problem.” Hyunjin replied, as it turned out he find out about Felix and Jisung's relationship when they were benn together only for three months. "Am I wrong, Minho?"

"No, Chan wouldn't mind," the older boy replied.

"But he threatened Jisung and Changbin before," Felix said. "You weren't there, you didn't see that look on him!"

"It couldn't be so scary," Hyunjin replied.

“I guess he did it just to protect you. That was the first time you came here from Australia, right? ”Minho asked. "Chan was just trying to be a responsible big brother," he shrugged.

“More like someone who would kill people if they hurt me. Thank you, but I don't want such a big brother. ”Felix lamented.

"You will still need to be honest with him," Minho replied. "Tear off the bandage."

"Yes, Minho also tore off the bandage when he told Chan hyung about the accident," Hyunjin explained. "I don't understand what makes it harder for you to tell him that you and Jisung are dating."

"I say you didn't see his face when he threatened them ..."

"It must have been hot." Minho sighed, but when his friends suddenly became silent he realized he shouldn't have said it out loud. He could almost feel the redness on his face and then cleared his throat and look at his two friends. "So would you see what I came up with?" He asked nervously.

"Of course." Hyunjin nodded with a strange little smile on his face.

"And pretend you haven't heard what I said before."

"Oh, of course." Felix smiled as he and Hyunjin sat back to the mirrors to watch Minho's performance.

The boy shook his head and tried to pretend he didn't say anything uncomfortable a minute ago. He looked at himself in the mirror and, for the first time, realized how much he had changed since he was in Busan. His hair had grown a bit, but he somehow found himself much healthier than a few months ago. His skin was almost radiant and somehow he saw his features as fuller as ever. He smiled at his friends for a moment, then Hyunjin started the music.

Minho's choreography was well thought through, the movements were elegant but simple. With the dance, Minho told the story as he found himself again. Like the phoenix that rises from its ashes. He imagined the rest of the dance team standing around him, holding the fans that Felix had invented. It also helped bring the story to life. Although Minho had only one minute to express everything, but he didn't expect that actually that one minute would be perfectly enough.

"It was amazing," Hyunjin said after Minho stopped. "It's exactly what I imagined it to look like," he added enthusiastically.

"Really?" Minho asked enthusiastically. "Don't I need to change anything?"

"I don't think so," Felix replied, looking at his other friend. "You don't think so either, do you?"

"I wouldn't change anything for the world," Hyunjin replied. "This part will be the catharsis."

"I'm sure you stole the whole show with that," Felix laughed. "I think we will have a smooth victory in the end."

“You will be needed for that victory too, and so will the rest of the team. I can't save the world by myself, ”Minho replied, then sat down between the two boys and hugged them. "You are one of the best things that has happened to me since I came here."

"I guess the other best thing is my brother," Felix winked.

"Yes, you got me," Minho admitted and felt a flush again, but it didn't matter. He was happy to blush any time because of Chan. He remembered that he would have to show the dance for him too before the show, and he sincerely hoped he would elicit at least as much reaction from him as from his two friends.

***

Minho suspected that luck wasn't his friend these days, but still he hoped Busan was big enough not to run into Yoon Jeonghan. But of course, life wrote the best scenarios and Minho met his former rival in the the worst way when he was alone. He just went on a regular shopping trip for his grandmother, so he wasn't fully prepared to meet him at the moment - in fact, he wasn't ready to meet anyone from the conservatory.

"Lee Minho, you come to hide here of all places? Are you serious? Busan? ”Asked the boy, his arrogant voice made Minho shiver. He didn't even realize that Jeonghan was so scornful within the walls of the conservatory. Of course they were rivals, and it might be that Minho was talking to the boy exactly the sam way before.

"I live with my grandparents now," Minho replied, not as if he felt the need to explain it.

"That sounds terrible," Jeonghan replied in disgust. "How's your legs?" He asked, not in the slightest intrest in his voice.

"Much better," Minho replied. "I'm sorry, but I have a lot of things to do, so now ..." he began, but when he tried to move the boy grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

"Much better?" Jeonghan asked sarcastically. "Well, that's good to hear, why don’t you coming back to us? Oh no, I'm sorry, the doctors said you could never do ballet again. That's awful, isn't it? "

"Not so much," Minho replied, sincerely hoping his voice would not shake. "I'm a member of a dance team at the university here, so I'm dancing again."

"Well," said the other boy bluntly. "What dance team?"

"Modern." Minho replied, and Jeonghan laughed sarcastically.

“Did you throw away your long years of hard work to join a modern dance team? Is this serious now? ”He laughed out loud.

"No ..." Minho whispered and maddle with his phone in his pocket. "It's a good team, they have a great future ahead."

"Oh, yes, entertaining uneducated idiots is obviously easier than dazzling the educated audience," the boy said, then squeezed Minho's shoulder as the boy looked into his eyes. "You are pathetic, do you know it?" He asked again, mockingly. “I see you trying to live a different life here than you used to. But you're still the same selfish ballet dancer in the bottom of your heart who smoothly crossed me to be in the center. You think you're a better person now than I am? Come on, Minho, the only difference between the two of us is that you're injured and you'll probably never be on stage with me again. But inside, we're both the same. ”

"How's Seungcheol?" Minho asked, knowing that he was finally touching a sensitive spot.

"Good," Jeonghan replied curtly. “Not that it is your thing to know, but we are still together. Unlike you, I am happy in every area of my life. ”

"Trust me, I'm happy too," Minho replied, then leaned closer to the boy and added quietly. "For me life is not just dance anymore."

"Oh no, you're the same as me, I already said it."

"Say hello to Seungcheol for me," Minho said in an emotionless voice and tried to leave again, but Jeonghan stopped him again.

"Don't pretend to be a better person, you'll never change," Jeonghan said. “You remember our third competition, right? Even if you don't remember, I remember every minute of it.” Minho, of course, remembered their third competition, then they were both quite different. They started the competition together as a team, but Jeonghan moved wrongly one second and fell. Minho didn't stop, didn't help him up, instead he danced the whole show alone and won the team cup by the end of the competition alone. Jeonghan couldn't stand on his feet for two months after he fell on the stage, and Minho won on so many competitions in those two months alone that he couldn't even count it. At the end of the year, he was honored for his outstanding performance at the Conservatory, but the taste of victory at that time was bitter.

"Jeonghan, we've discussed this a thousand times, I couldn't stop ..."

"Yes, you could have stopped, but you're a heartless little bitch!" The boy replied irritably. "I hate you for making me so inhuman!"

"It's not my fault," Minho replied with gritted teeth.

“Of course, Minho, we made each other so cold. And you didn't change anything, even if you think you are, ”Jeonghan replied, then let go of the boy. "Good luck, even though you're not getting anything with this, it's not your world."

"You should be glad I'm not there anymore," Minho said nervously.

“Oh I am really happy, trust me. But a part of me miss the challenge, ”Jeonghan said frankly. "You were the only person like me, the only one to compete with."

"Minho." The boy breathed in relief as he heard Chan's voice. He and Jeonghan looked at the direction of him at the same time, Chan didn't look cheerful as he stood there not far from them. Minho was extremely grateful at the moment that Chan had set up speed dialing on his phone.

"Chan, he's an old classmate, Yoon Jeonghan," Minho said as he walked over to his boyfriend and held his arm.

"From the conservatory?" Chan asked, and as their eyes met for a moment, Minho felt the older boy worry about him.

"Yes, from there," Jeonghan replied instead of him.

"I'm Bang Chan, Minho's boyfriend," Chan introduced himself, looking back at the other. "Sorry, but we have a date, so we're going now."

"So that's what makes you a better person?" Jeonghan mockingly asked, looking back at Minho. “You are no more than what you were in the conservatory. Your boyfriend obviously loves broken things. ”

“Like I said, we have to go. Nice to meet you, ”Chan said before Minho could speak, then grabbed the boy's hand and headed with him in the other direction.

They didn't speak to each other until they reached the end of the street, but Minho noticed that Chan was holding his hand much harder than usual.

"I think I became a fan of speed dialing," Minho said quietly as they stopped in front of one of the lighted cafes.

"Were you seriously stucked with such people every day in Seoul?" Chan asked nervously, the other boy lowering his eyes.

"I was such a person too, Chan," Minho replied frankly. "You know that…"

"I don't know, and I don't care." Minho hated the way Chan was looking at him. The always kind, understanding and calm Chan was now frustrated and nervous, something Minho had rarely seen before. “The thing that matters is the present and not the past, Minho. You came from Seoul to overcome all of this, right?”

"Yes, that's right," Minho nodded and lowered his eyes again. “But I can’t help it, my past still finds me. This is a part of me too, I can't just erase it. ”

"I know, I don't ask for that… but live for today, okay? Live what you have now, don't always think that if the accident hadn't happened then what it would be now. Minho, I love you, but it's so hard to help you! "

"Do you love me?" Minho asked, feeling his throat went dry and his heart rate became faster. Never before had anyone told him that they love him.

"Yeah, I'm… you’re important to me, do you understand? I don't like to see you like this, I want you to smile… I want you to be happy here with me. ”Chan's eyes were tearful. Minho walked one step closer to him and kissed him softly. Chan's lips were coffee-flavored, and Minho loved that taste.

"You are important to me too and I want you to be happy with me," Minho replied, looking into the boy's eyes.

"Can you promise me to try to be happier?"

"Chan, I've been happy since I've met you ..."

"But that's not enough, Minho, you have to want to be happy and love yourself the way you are now. Can you do this for me? ”Chan's voice was still very serious, but when he stroked Minho's face, his touch was as soft as a fluff on the younger’s face.

"Yes," Minho promised, as Chan's fingers slowly slid into his hair and the boy pulled him closer to kiss him again. Minho felt the for Chan could do anything and the older boy was right, it was time for Minho not to mourn the past. Because this encounter with Jeonghan made him realize that he would never want to be a person like the old Minho was. And Chan made him a clearly better person.


	9. Chapter 9

Minho hated seeing Chan being frustrated and nervous because of him. If he could, he would have speed up the time for both of them to get over this weekend and get his former classmates out of town. Busan had been a kind of shelter for the boy, but now he felt like he was not safe here anymore. Obviously, Minho knew he couldn't hide from his past, but he wished that it was all the same as a week ago when his two lives were still completely separate. He didn't want to see Chan like that, he didn't want to argue with him, he didn't want to explain himself, but he felt this weekend would test their relationship.

The boy would have been glad if he hadn't seen another familiar face this weekend, but of course luck still wasn't his friend. He almost afraid to go to the city, but Chan wanted to spend the weekend with him and he would not give up on a nice weekend with his boyfriend.

"Did you buy me a toothbrush?" Minho asked as they walked out the door of one of the smaller stores.

“Yes, I thought you could leave it in my apartment. And then you shouldn't always carry your own. ”Chan shrugged. "It would be more comfortable."

"It's almost as if you've given me the key," Minho said, smiling as he reached for the boy's hand. "What else did you come up with? Should I buy a separate towel for myself? Or a sweater I just wear there? ”

"Oh no, I like it when you wore my sweater there." Chan smiled.

"Hello Minho!" He was greeted by a voice that was too familiar, causing both of them to stop smiling.

"Hi Seungcheol!" Minho said back and felt a painful grin appear on his face. Seungcheol was Jeonghan’s boyfriend, Minho couldn't even tell how long they’ve been together and basically nothing was wrong with him, but Jeonghan made things difficult anyway.

“Jeonghan mentioned that you live in here. What a coincidence, isn't it? ”The boy asked, laughing. "And you ..." he finally looked at Chan.

"Bang Chan, I’m Minho's boyfriend," Chan replied in a cold voice and pulled his arm away from Minho's, then laced their fingers together. Minho noticed that he was still gripping his fingers harder than he had been used to, but it didn't bother him. What was more disturbing was that he could see the almost usual frustration on Chan's face again.

"I'm sorry if Jeonghan wasn't nice to you on the other day.” Seungcheol has always apologized for Jeonghan, Minho was not surprised at all because of this. "This is the first time they are performing in Busan and ..."

"Really, and you? Don’t you have school?”Minho asked suddenly. Seungcheol was very smart, he studied at SNU.

"I came late on Friday, I wanted to be here because of Jeonghan," he replied enthusiastically. Minho was sometimes convinced that Seungcheol loved Jeonghan much more than Jeonghan loved Seungcheol.

"That's nice of you," Chan muttered and when Minho looked at him he didn't see his byofriend frustrated anymore. Far more amazement mixed in his face, he obviously didn't understand why Seungcheol was so kind to the boy who talked to Minho like garbage.

"I'm almost attending every performance he have," the other boy continued to explain enthusiastically.

"Seungcheol, I’m so sorry, but we have to go," Minho said quickly, before the boy could tell any more. "We'll talk later, I’m glad to see you!"

"Minho, if you two would love to come to one of the shows then I'd love to get tickets for you."

"No, we won't have time, but thank you," Minho said, pulling Chan down the snowy street as he said goodbye to the other boy.

They didn't talk for a long time, they went into a couple of stores, but they wandered aimlessly between the rows. Minho felt something was wrong. Chan might have been tense, but he wasn't sure, it was as if there were several emotions in the boy that Minho couldn't decipher.

"I've never seen you dancing ballet," Chan said, standing in the row of snacks as they’re trying to decide what to choose.

"What?" Minho asked as he looked at his boyfriend.

“I wasn't there before the accident. I couldn't support you the way Seungcheol supports Jeonghan. ”

"Of course you weren't there, then you didn't know me," Minho replied, holding his hand carefully. "Chan, you couldn't be there, so don't feel ..."

"I want you to be able to do ballet again, more than anything," Chan said, looking into the boy's eyes. “I think I'm starting to really understand what this accident was like for you. I'm sorry I didn't understand it until now. "

"It’s okay and thank you," Minho nodded, then softly laced their fingers together. "You already helped me a lot," he added.

"You haven't talked about the therapies lately," Chan remarked as they picked a couple of bags of chips and went the cashier to pay.

"My leg doesn't hurt that much anymore," Minho shrugged. "I think there is some improvement," he added.

"It's good to hear that," Chan said, kissing the boy's hair before they came in line.

***

After these events, Minho sincerely wished he could spend a pleasant weekend with Chan. But he didn't expect Felix to be with them for the whole weekend, and of course the younger boy was still suffering from his own stupidity. Minho couldn't count the number of times he'd heard Felix whisper to him that Chan would probably kill Jisung.

"For God's sake, Felix, if you don't tell him, I'll tell!" Minho said nervously.

"What will you tell me?" Chan asked, entering the kitchen at that very moment.

"You can watch the rehearsal for the Christmas contest." Felix almost screamed before Minho had any chance to say Jisung’s name.

"Seriously? I thought it was a surprise, ”Chan replied as he stopped by the kitchen counter. "Why did you change your mind?"

"It is important for Minho." Felix shrugged and laughed nervously. "So you're invited, next Wednesday at 6pm, don't be late," the younger boy shouted quickly, then left them in the kitchen.

"I'll kill your brother one day," Minho said as Chan stepped beside him and kissed him.

"Why? Don't you want me to see the rehearsal? "

"I want you to see, but it's just not perfect," Minho replied, blushing. It was very difficult to lie to Chan.

"You're a perfectionist, I see," Chan nodded as Minho started the coffee machine, then stepped behind the boy and hugged him from behind. Minho liked the feeling when the older’s strong arms surrounded his body like a blanket. When Chan hugged him, however, he hugged not only his body but also his heart, and Minho loved this pleasant warmth. And that quiet happiness on Saturday morning meant more than anything.

"This competition is important to me, a lot depends on it," Minho replied softly as the coffee machine worked slowly.

"That's different than ballet, isn't it?" Chan asked quietly. "I know you don't want to talk about it that much, but you've been to many competitions before, haven't you?"

"Yes, quite a lot," Minho nodded. “But it was different, it was just important for me to be the one and to leave with the medal. Now, I don't care if we win or not. "

"Are you sure?"

"I just want to win because of Hyunjin and Felix," Minho replied frankly. "But I don't care for another medal, I don't do it for myself."

"That's very nice of you," Chan said as he pulled away from the boy and kissed him on the cheek.

"Chan, I'm really trying to be a better person ..."

"You're a good person," Chan said firmly. "I know you are," he added, as Minho pulled out two cups from the cupboard and filled them with fresh coffee.

"But maybe Jeonghan was telling the truth," Minho replied. "Maybe I'm just trying to change because of the accident and still inside ..."

"Does his opinion really matter?"

"You can't imagine how similar we are, honestly we could be brothers," Minho said bitterly. "He was right, I really let him down at that time."

"Did you have another choice?" Chan asked, Minho decided last night that it was best for Chan to hear the whole story from him. Of course, from Minho's point of view, the story was obviously different than from Jeonghan's point of view.

"Could have been," Minho replied, lowering his eyes. "But I chose to not help him."

"You made that decision years ago, Minho, it seemed good at that time," Chan began cautiously. "Maybe you wouldn't do that now, would you? But you can't change the past. ”

"I wonder if he will ever forgive me," Minho replied quietly. "Can this be forgiven at all?"

"Why don't you apologize to him?" Chan asked after some silence.

"Me?" Minho asked as he looked at the older.

"Seungcheol said he could get us tickets, didn't he?" Chan asked. “Let's go, watch the show and talk to him. You couldn't have a better opportunity for it. "

"You're right," Minho nodded, though he didn't trust Jeonghan would accept his apology, but he had to take that step. If he really wanted to leave the old Minoh behind, he had no choice but to do so.

"Then, will you call Seungcheol?" Chan asked and carefully took Minho's hand.

"Yes," the boy nodded and smiled. Although he knew he was not going to be on stage, the thought of seeing a ballet show made him excited and hoped that this meeting with Jeonghan would end well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well :)


	10. Chapter 10

If Minho wanted to be quite honest, he would have admitted to Chan that he was not at all sure that he was doing the right thing now. Apologizing seemed like a simple thing to do, but Minho knew his former classmate too well, so it wasn't at all likely that Minho would actually be forgiven. Was that really important? He wasn't sure, but he had to do it for Chan and for himself too.

"He'll like it," Minho said as he and Chan picked a bouquet for Jeonghan in a flower shop. Of course, Seungcheol was more than happy when Minho called him and immediately got them two tickets for Sunday night's performance. Minho had no idea how the boy had solved it, since it was a full house show already.

"Are you nervous?" Chan asked after they had paid the small bouquet and headed for the theater. The streets were still covered with snow, and Minho would rather walk in the dark than sit in a crowded room. Of course, the sight of the stage attracted him, but sitting in the crowd was different than when he was in the spotlight.

"I don't know," Minho shrugged. "Suddenly, this doesn't seem like a good idea."

"Believe me this is a good idea," Chan replied, clenching Minho's fingers slightly for encouragement. "It will do you good, and Jeonghan may realize that anger makes no sense."

"Can you imagine that even he have something good in himself?"

"Sure." Chan nodded almost immediately. "There is something good in every human being."

***

The theater didn't seem friendly at all, Minho felt there were too many people and too little air. Chan's words came to his mind as they waited for the show to begin. Is there really something good in everyone? Most of the time, Minho felt that there was darkness in everyone, the only question was how much he showed it to the others. And there was a lot of darkness in him and in Jeonghan too, no doubt about that. Chan might not have understood this, maybe no one else here in Busan would have understood. The conservatory was like an independent little island with only people like Minho and Jeonghan. It was hard to put into words what the two of them were living in there, but Minho didn't want to deny what a person he was when he was still studying at the conservatory. Years ago, he would not have thought that he could be hit by such a serious accident that he had to stop doing ballet.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Chan asked quietly as he carefully took Minho's hand.

"Yes." Minho nodded quickly and smiled at the boy, but Chan's worried look meant he couldn't believe everything was okay. However, the room soon darkened and Minho was grateful that he didn't have to see his boyfriend's face now.

When Jeonghan appeared on stage, the atmosphere clearly changed. Minho could feel people watching the boy's graceful movements with amazement. Minho had seen Jeonghan dance at least a thousand times before, but now it was quite different to watch him lighting up the stage. Because Jeonghan’s really shining, Minho was somehow imagining himself doing ballet on that stage too. Jeonghan moved as naturally as he was born to do it. It was simply stunning and Minho found himself watching the boy with his mouth open.

Then the amazement turned into bitterness for Minho, he knew it was his life once, but he would never get it back. He won't be on stage again as a ballet dancer. He had no chance to impress his audience that way. Somewhere deeply it still hurt him, he felt that the accident had taken away from him the only thing he had ever loved in life. The only thing that made him believe that his life was worth something.

He shook his head and turned his gaze off the stage for a moment to look at Chan in the dark. The boy's profile was faint, but Minho could see the twinkle in his eyes and it soothed him. Although Minho felt that Chan might be looking for the good things in him, even though there was really only darkness in him, he was grateful. Who would love him the way Chan loves him? Who could be so patient with him? So helpful and kind? Sometimes Chan didn't really seem real, but Minho sincerely hoped that it wasn't just a beautiful dream. Chan didn't even know how much the younger boy could thank for him.

***

By the end of the show, Minho was really nervous, and Chan was holding his hand as they met Seungcheol in the foreground. The boy was, of course, very proud of his boyfriend, as he had said after each performance. Minho wasn't sure if Jeonghan knew how lucky he was.

Seungcheol escorted Minho to the dressing room while Chan went to pick up their coats.

"I'll leave you alone," Seungcheol said as they entered the dressing room. Jeonghan looked at Minho confused and spoke only after his boyfriend left the changing room.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, confused.

"Congratulations on the show, I really liked it," Minho said, stepping closer to the boy and offering him the tiny bouquet they had bought together with Chan before the show. "I brought this for you."

"Thank you, but you didn't answer the question," Jeonghan replied, taking the flower from Minho's hand.

"I…" Minho began, but his voice was stuck. Before they came here he knew what to say, but now it was difficult to form the words. He tried to imagine himself as Jeonghan, exactly the day he fell on the stage and Minho didn't help him to stand up. But it was hard to imagine what the other might have felt, beacause it wasn’t Minho who fell that day. "I'm sorry about what happened."

"What?" Jeonghan asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry about what happened," Minho repeated. “I could have helped you that day, but I didn't. I was just thinking about myself and I thought that if I can't win with you then I have to win alone. ”

Jeonghan said nothing for a long time, lowered his eyes and looked at the flower in his hands, then smiled bitterly.

"I didn't think you'd ever apologize," Jeonghan finally replied. "It's not a thing you would do."

"People are changing," Minho shrugged. “I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry. I was horrible. ”

"You acted like a dancer," Jeonghan corrected him. “Minho, we are really similar. From day one, we were taught that we could only count on ourselves. Don't you remember Mr. Jang? And our first class with him? ”

"I remember," Minho nodded.

“He always said we could only count on ourselves when we were on stage. Actually he was right about that. ”

"Yes," Minho agreed. “Whatever happened, everyone was celebrating you today, and I was sitting in the audience. You're going to be a huge ballet dancer, and who knows what will happen to me?”

"I'm sorry that you had an accident," Jeonghan said, his voice sounding honest. “But you better know that your last performance has been the talk at the conservatory ever since. What you were doing on stage then was more than professional, Minho. Such is what a real dancer would do and not like me. ”

"No, what you did today ..."

“Minho, I didn't wake up the day I fell on the stage, even though it was just a bad move. But you did a performance with a bleeding leg and only collapsed when the audience could no longer see it. I have always envied your perseverance, ”Jeonghan replied. "I miss you from the conservatory, I honestly say that."

"Thank you," Minho nodded. "But I thought you were angry with me ..."

"I was angry, but I learned a lot from you," Jeonghan replied.

"Me too, I learned a lot from you."

"We have a strange friendship, don't we?"

"I think so," Minho smiled. "I have to go, Chan is waiting for me ... the performance was really wonderful, you danced very nicely."

"Thank you, I'm glad you came," Jeonghan replied, Minho nodded and turned to leave the dressing room. But before he pressed the handle, the other boy spoke again. "If we ever dance together again and I would fell on the stage, what would you do?" He asked quietly.

"I'd keep dancing," Minho replied frankly, then turned back to the boy.

"I didn't expect any other answer," Jeonghan smiled. "I'll forgive you, but I'll ask for something in return."

"What?" Minho asked, now he was confused.

“If your legs are fine again, come back to the conservatory. You know it’s your place too,” the boy replied.

"I don’t know…"

"Minho, please, this is not a challenge for me without you," Jeonghan replied. “They have not yet been able to decide who’ll be the Nutcracker Prince, though there is not much time left until the Christmas performance. Not even the rehearsals have begun. They just don't know who could replace you."

"Of course it could be you ..."

"I'm not that good," Jeonghan replied. "Somewhere, everyone hopes you'll come back."

"And if I won’t?"

"Then I don't think there is going to be a Christmas show this year," the boy shrugged. “Look, I know that you love that role and honestly that role is a part of who you are. Without Minho, there is no Nutcracker Prince. ”

***

The conversation with Jeonghan made Minho's heart surprisingly easier. Chan was right when he suggested that he should apologize to Jeonghan and he called himself lucky to have such a boyfriend as the older boy. Of course, the boy didn't know what Jeonghan was going to react to, but in the end, it seemed that there was always some kind of friendship between them. Minho would have rather said that they were rivals and friends at the same time. Although it was strange to say it, Minho had always thought of the other boy as someone holding him back, but also forcing him to go forward. Someone who is supportive but also tries to block every move he would made.

However, he couldn’t get out of his mind what Jeonghan had said. Until now, he thought that the teachers would find someone who could replace him at the Christmas lecture. After all, why was it so hard to find a new dancer? There were several great dancers in the conservatory, and Jeonghan would have been the perfect choice for the role, according to Minho.

"You're very quiet," Chan said. After the show, they decided to sit down in a cafe, which Minho was very happy about, he wouldn't have gone home right now because he knew he would have to tell his grandparents everything.

"Jeonghan said they haven't found another dancer for the Christmas show," Minho replied softly, stirring his coffee.

"For the role of the Nutcracker Prince?" Chan asked.

"Yes," Minho nodded. “I thought they had started rehearsals a long time ago. According to Jeonghan, if they can't find anyone, there might not be a Christmas performance. "

"Interesting," Chan replied thoughtfully. "Are they hoping you’ll go back?"

"They know I'm not going back," Minho replied. "Because of the injury ..."

"Are you sure you will never go back?" Chan asked, Minho looked up at him and couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"Yes?" Minho's answer was rather a question. "I'm already living a different life."

"But that's not what you want," Chan replied. “I can see it, trust me. You try to suppress the lack of doing ballet within yourself, but at the same time, the idea that you can't do ballet anymore is crushing you from the inside. However, you may not have to give up completely. You remember what I said about your pain, didn't you? ”

"That it is not real," Minho replied. "But once it was and ..."

“There's the therapy, Minho, you're going to be fine. But you have to believe it too, otherwise it won't help, ”Chan said. "It's like a placebo."

“And if I never feel pain again, what do I do? Go back to Seoul? ”Minho asked, and Chan lowered his eyes for a moment.

"If you go back you could be the Nutcracker Prince again, and that's important to you, right?"

"It used to be, but I'm here now, Chan," Minho replied, gently touching the boy's hand he was resting on the table. "I ... I can't leave your brother and Hyunjin alone. And I won't be able to leave you here either. "

"Even now that you know that there is no one else who has been offered the role?"

"No," Minho said firmly. “The competition is here soon, and now I have to focus on it. I'm no longer a student at the conservatory, Chan. ”

"That's true," Chan replied, then looked back at Minho. The boy hated the bittersweet smile he saw on his face. “But don't stay here because of me. I would understand if you want to go back. "

"I don't want to go back, Chan, I'm happy here," Minho replied.

"Good to hear that."

Chan's response was unconvincing and Minho was afraid the boy would have thought for a minute that he didn't want to stay with him. However, Minho would by no means have chosen Seoul and the Conservatory instead of Chan. Of course, he missed his parents, but here were his grandparents who loved him just as much as his mother and father. And he really made friends here, and Minho had never been so happy, and that was largely thanks to Chan. Chan, however, was selfless and wished that Minho could be back on stage as a ballet dancer. But Minho just thought of it as a beautiful dream. If the pain was really going to go away once and for all, he would still knew it wouldn't make sense to go back to the conservatory. It was his home now, even if he could never play the role of the Nutcracker Prince again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay of this chapter, I got sick and I have a ton of work and overtimes so yeah... I am not feeling so good, but I'll try my best to finish this fic by the end of 2019. Thank you for reading and supporting me as always!


	11. Chapter 11

As Minho looking down from the stage he saw nothing but huge eyes that looked at him in disgust. As if the audience knew ahead of time that he would make a mistake and ruin the whole performance. He looked to the side for a moment, the other members of the dance team waiting for him with their fans in hand and then the music started.

Minho moved like a ballet dancer - otherwise he couldn't really move. But every move was terribly painful and it was difficult to hold back his tears. He soon realized that he wasn't dancing what he had learned - instead, the gestures were those he learned ages ago to be able to play the Nutcracker Prince. Only then did he realize that he was wearing the costume of the Nutcracker Prince and had ballet shoes on his feet. However, the beautiful white shoes was soon soaked in blood.

"What are you doing, Minho?" it was Hyunjin’s voice and he nodded his head in the direction to the whispering voice, but saw only a fan in the dark.

"Minho, you're ruining everything!" Felix's sad voice came from the other direction, but Minho couldn't see his face as he caught his head there. He stopped suddenly and the audience grumbling annoyingly.

"Why did you stop?" Chan's voice asked, and as Minho looked forward, he saw the boy's frustrated gaze among the audience. "Minho, what the hell are you doing?"

"I was dancing ..." Minho whispered, but his knees gave up and he fell to the ground. Just like the day when it was decided he had to stop doing ballet. But now the curtains weren’t closed and the audience could see that he had fallen to the ground and his tears flowing like crazy as he was in so much pain.

Minho looked at his feet, but now not only the ballet shoes were covered with blood, but the whole stage. The blood contaminated the boy's palm and, as he tried to wipe his tears away his face got covered with blood too. The angry hiss of the audience melted into a single voice, Minho could almost feel their eyes on himself, he was shivering and screaming - but then all of a sudden it was over.

Minho found himself in his own bed and soon realized that what he saw was just a nightmare. He kicked off the blanket, but his legs weren't bloody, and the old wounds didn't open up just by themselves during the night. But Minho started shaking from crying and clenched his hand to his mouth to keep his grandparents awake. He was afraid he could really ruin the competition by not being able to deny being a ballet dancer. He could almost hear Jeonghan's words and see Chan's face in front of him as he asked if he was sure he would never go back to Seoul. Minho would have had a hard time confessing that he couldn't decide whether he would ever go back or not. Jeonghan was not mistaken that this was not Minho's world - his world was ballet, but he could not go back without leaving wounds here.

***

"Are you okay, honey?" His grandmother asked that morning as they were having breakfast.

"Of course, Grandma," Minho nodded. "I didn’t sleep well, but I'm fine."

"If you don't want to go to school today ..." she began, but Minho quickly interrupted her.

"I'm way behind school, I have to go," Minho answered quickly and got up from the table. "I have to go and I'll come later!"

"Minho ..." his grandfather began in a worried voice.

"I'm fine, grandfather, don't use that voice, please!" Minho said nervously, but he soon realized that he shouldn’t have hurt his grandparents, who welcomed him without question here. "I'm… sorry, I'm definitely like this because I didn't sleep enough."

"That's why you should stay home," said his grandfather. “It just doesn't make sense to sit in any of your classes. You won't even be able to concentrate. "

"Your grandfather is right," said his grandmother. “Chan will definitely help you with learning again if you ask. Now, go back to your room and try to sleep a little bit more. ”

"Okay," Minho muttered, and did as his grandparents suggested to him.

A minute later, he was already in his bed, writing a message to Chan that he won’t go to the university that day. He knew he hadn't made the right decision, but honestly, he wasn't sure he would still be a student here by the end of the year. He was not sure of anything, except that he did not want to ruin the competition. He wanted to win for Hyunjin and Felix, but it required more perseverance and he had to forget the conservatory forever. But it was very difficult after Jeonghan told him that they had still not found anyone for the role of the Nutcracker Prince. Minho couldn't even imagine what his former teachers would think, because everyone knew that the Christmas performance was what the conservatory was waiting and planning for the whole year. It’s just couldn’t be postponed, but even the very idea of missing out on this whole year seemed outright impossible.

Minho thought of his dream, about the blood, his ballet shoes, and that it might have been better if he had never danced again. When he moved to Busan he hoped that maybe everything would change, but when he learned that Felix's majoring in dance it were all changed. He wouldn't have to go to that audition or go to the therapies - he came here to let go of dance and let the average Minho be back, to be who he was before he did ballet. It all seemed simple even when he was in Seoul, but now these early ideas of his life here have been shattered.

Minho felt that he himself had broken into pieces, and he couldn't tell what makes the pieces stay together now. But he remembered Chan and his arms as he hugged him. Yeah, maybe Chan was the reason he wasn't completely broken.

He could not remember when he had fallen asleep again, but he had not dreamed now - neither good nor bad. Only the darkness surrounded him for hours, like an old good friend. He woke up to someone caressing his hair and he leaned into the sweet touch.

"Channie?" He asked in a sleepy voice as he recognized the boy's scent.

"Hi!" He could almost hear the smile in Chan's voice. "Your grandmother let me in."

"I'm sorry," Minho said, slowly opening his eyes. Chan looked at him with a smile and didn't stop caressing him for a minute. "I should have gone to school today."

"I don't think so, your grandparents told me that you didn't sleep well last night," Chan replied. "What happened?" He asked, and Minho could hear the concern he hated.

"Nothing," Minho replied, then as Chan pulled his hand back up on the bed.

"You're really bad at lying," Chan said softly.

"I'm not lying," Minho said nervously, then shook his head. "I ... I just slept really bad. It happens to others too. ”

"You know you can tell me anything ..."

"Of course I know, Chan!” Minho hated himself for talking to the boy like that and closed his eyes so they didn't have to look into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry, maybe I shouldn't have come here anyway," Chan said, and Minho felt the boy rise from the edge of his bed.

"Chan, no, I'm sorry," Minho said quickly before the boy left the room. "I had a nightmare and I have questions in my head all the time, I have no idea what to do and ... I didn't want to lie, I'm really sorry."

"I understand if you don't want to talk about it."

“I want to talk about it, but I don't know how to tell my thoughts. I'm afraid it will only hurt, ”Minho replied as Chan sat back on the bed beside him.

"Pain is also a feeling," Chan shrugged. "But luckily I'm here to relieve your pain," he added, gently taking one of Minho's hands.

"Chan, you don't understand ..." Minho whispered with his eyes lowered again. "I'm afraid it'll hurt you."

"That's not possible," Chan assured him. "I'm here to listen."

"I was thinking ..." Minho's voice fell. "Maybe I will want to go back to Seoul after the competition," he added quite softly.

"I see," Chan said, but Minho could hear the sadness in his voice. "If you think this is the right decision then ..."

"I don't think that's the right decision," Minho said honestly. “But that's my world. I didn't sacrifice years, ruined my legs and lost my toenails to be this taken away from me in the end. I don't want to be the average Minho, it's not me. "

Chan didn't say anything for long minutes, Minho almost waited for the boy to pull his hand away from him. Chan had always thought there were a lot of good things in Minho, but maybe he just realized now that that was not the case. Everything was never good with the younger, he always felt at home in the dark and didn't care if everyone had to be ruined by him to him be in the center in the end.

"I thought I knew you, but maybe I didn't know you enough," Chan said quietly, but he still didn't let go his hand. "I mean ... somehow I always felt like you didn't tell me enough about yourself. I wanted to help you all along, Minho, so I've always been here to help. "

"I know, but Chan, I'm not who you want me to believe. I'm not good, I'm not perfect. "

“I don't want you to be good and perfect. I want you to be yourself and be happy, ”Chan replied. "I thought I could help you with that, but I don't even know what you want."

"You helped a lot, Chan, believe me and I'm very grateful to you."

"But that's not enough, isn't it?" Chan asked bitterly.

"I just miss my old life," Minho replied frankly, and his tears started to fall again. Although Chan was here, he felt alone and unsure that anything could replace dance in his life.

He thought Chan wouldn't stay there, that he was disappointed and wouldn't want to see him again. But soon, the older boy's strong arms embraced his trembling body and Minho clung to him as if his life depended on it. Chan waited for him to cry it out, maybe he needed just that, he wasn't sure. His thoughts circled back and forth between what if he would stay and what he would do if he returned to Seoul. Nothing seemed a good choice, but Minho knew he would have to make the decision alone.

"I'm so sorry," Minho said, wiping his eyes. "But you need to know something, I really love you, Chan. Even if I find it difficult to say. ”

“I know you love me and I feel the same. That's why I'll be able to let you go if you decide you don't want to stay here, ”Chan said softly.

"Could we not talk about this now?" Minho asked, equally softly. "I don't want to think a little bit."

“Then I have an idea. Changbin's parents are out of town and tonight he’s holding a party and invited us both. Do you want to come? ”Asked the older boy and Minho nodded without thinking.

***

To tell the truth, Minho had never been to a real party before, he didn't really know what people the same age as him were doing at parties. He knew that Changbin came from a wealthy family and the house they came to looked like a smaller palace. Minho started to get scared that he wasn't dressed pretty enough, but neither Chan nor Felix dressed elegantly.

"What is it like to have such a party?" Minho asked as they approached the front door.

"Haven’t you ever been to a party?" Felix asked as he looked back at his friend. "You're kidding, right?"

"I've never been," Minho replied, ashamed.

"Oh." The boy said in amazement and exchanged a look with Chan.

"If you don't want to drink alcohol, you don't have to, that's the point," Chan said, opening the door without knocking.

Minho thought he wouldn't drink alcohol, but until this evening he didn't know exactly what alcohol could do to someone’s body. Hyunjin was the first that night who offered him to drink something together. Minho said no at first, but soon realized that there were variants of alcoholic beverages which didn’t made him feel that everything he had eaten that day would come back. After a while he couldn't keep track of what he had tasted and what he hadn't tasted. He soon had to admit that after a while it was very difficult to distinguish between different alcoholic beverages. Not to mention the effect that the drink had on your body.

"Come on, let's wash your face!" It was the first sentence he understood after a long time. Chan took his hand and they went into a bathroom where the elder helped him to wash his face.

"Channie, did you know that alcohol is so weird?" Minho asked with a laugh. He would probably feel very uncomfortable later because of his behaviour, but it didn't matter at that moment. Chan wiped the water from his face with a soft towel.

"Yeah, though the word weird isn't exactly right to use for it," Chan replied. "I told you you don't have to drink ..."

"But no one forced me," Minho replied with a smile and as Chan put down the towel he stepped closer to the boy and hugged his neck. "Why am I in love with you?" He asked quietly, but he still laughed.

"That's a very good question." Chan's voice seemed sad, Minho could not ascertain exactly at this point.

"I think I'm crazy." Minho's laugh was bitter. "It's weird that you love me anyway."

"You're not crazy, Minho," Chan replied, brushed away the younger’s hair from his eyes.

"No, I have a lot more darkness inside of me than you think," Minho replied, but he didn't wait for Chan to respond. He leaned close to the boy and kissed him, almost missing the taste of coffee on Chan's lips. But it was such a good thing to kiss the older, and Minho would never have stopped.

He laced his fingers into Chan's hair as the older boy hugged his waist. Minho tried to get closer to Chan's warm body, wanting the boy's familiar scent to be on him. He didn't want to forget that moment and they kissed in the bathroom as if it was the last time. Minho hoped this feeling would burn into his mind forever.

"Minho ..." Chan muttered softly to the boy's lips. "Let's go back."

"Not yet," Minho asked and lingered for a minute, then looked into Chan's eyes. "I want you to kiss me as if I were your last love."

"You drank too much," Chan said softly, and Minho felt bitter disappointment for a moment. "But you're my last love, it was never a question," Chan added even quieter.

Minho slowly leaned closer again and kissed him softly. He wanted to tell Chan that he was his last love too, but it was difficult to express himself in words. It was difficult to say anything while hours ago he felt that he was terribly lonely and seriously contemplating returning to Seoul. In the old days, maybe ballet was Minho's love, but he couldn't deny that Chan had changed something in him. Chan was the candlelight in the darkness and Minho in the boy's arms felt like he was really ready for a new start. But he was also uncertain, which is why he needed Chan to hold his hand strongly as he try to walk this new path.

Love was the strangest thing Minho had ever felt. But Chan's love was the only thing that could really heal him. It was the only medicine that could help, and Minho didn't even realize that he hadn't felt any pain that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well :) nothing intresting happened, but thank you for your support!


	12. Chapter 12

Minho had never had a hangover before and he soon realized that it might have been better if he had never had to experience this feeling. His head was throbbing, but somehow he didn't regret that at least he could forget the tangled thoughts he had had so far. He was sure Chan was confused about him, but he couldn't blame the older boy - he didn't understand himself either. Two days ago he was sure that he didn’t want to go back to Seoul, but now he was swayed by this determination. To tell the truth, he may not have known exactly what he wanted, and it frightened him. He was 100 percent sure of all his decisions in the past, never uncertain for a minute and now it felt like as if he wasn't himself.

He couldn't remember when they returned to Chan and Felix's apartment, but he woke up in Chan's bed and smelled fresh coffee in the room.

"Are you all right?" Chan asked, already sitting on the edge of the bed, surprisingly much fresher than Minho.

"Yes." Minho lied.

"You're still lying terribly," Chan said as the younger one sat on the bed and leaned his back against the headboard.

"I’m sorry ..." Minho said as Chan offered a cup of coffee to him.

"You and Hyunjin drank so much yesterday that there was almost nothing left for the others," Chan replied, then gently stroked Minho's hair. "Hyunjin's already fell asleep in Changbin's living room, but you could have drink more if I would let you."

"I don't remember anything," Minho shrugged and sipped his coffee. "Did I embrass you?"

"No, I wouldn't say that," Chan replied. “At one point in the evening, you said your feet didn't hurt. Then I tried to get you off the coffee table, where you wanted to do sexy dance with Hyunjin. "

"Where was Felix during this time?" Minho asked thoughtfully.

"I guess he and Jisung were trying to hide somewhere so they could make out peacfully." Chan shrugged. Minho frowned at the coffee and coughed as he’s try to understand exactly what his boyfriend had said.

"You…what?" He asked.

"They think that I don't know they are head over heels for each other."

"Did you know?" Minho asked, stunned.

"How do you know?" Chan asked, equally shocked.

"I stumbled up on them once, and since then I've been trying to convince them to talk to you, but Felix says you threatened both Jisung and Changbin that they’re dead if they dare to look at your brother."

"Oh yes, I really threatened them," Chan replied thoughtfully.

"Are you serious? They are your best friends! ”

"Yes, but Felix is my little brother," Chan replied.

"Do you know he and Jisung have been dating for half a year now?"

"Half a year?" Chan asked in a surprise. "I only noticed it like three months ago, so my ability to observe isn't the best."

"And you still want to kill Jisung?" Minho asked. "I only ask because I think he really loves your brother and they’re really cute together."

"Don't say that, neither of them is cute, not even together ..."

"Are you jealous?" Minho asked with a smile, then lowered his mug to the edge of the bedside table and leaned closer to kiss Chan on the cheek. "Just think about it, who could be a better choice for your brother than one of your best friends?"

"Well practically anyone else ..."

"Don't say that, they're so lovely together!"

"Is that what they think about us too?" Chan asked with a grin.

"I don't think so, you're supposed to be a frightening big brother and I'm an insensitive jerk," Minho shrugged and laughed. But the smile on his face soon turned into a grimace. "Actually, my head hurts a lot."

"You're having a hangover," Chan replied, then stroked the younger boy's hair again. "I told you that you shouldn't have had that much alcohol to drink."

"I think it doesn't matter now," Minho replied. "But I'd be very happy for a pain killer."

"I'll get you one, then I’m talking to my brother," Chan replied, leaning closer to the boy and kissing his forehead gently.

"Just be nice, please."

"It’s okay, I'm good at being nice," Chan replied, then left the room.

***

Minho was delighted that Felix and Jisung's secret had been revealed and he had to worry about one less thing. However, time seemed to pass faster, and soon the boy's afternoons were gone, as he went to therapy or had rehearsal with the dance team. The time of the competition was getting closer and Minho noticed that Hyunjin and Felix were getting frustrated too, which was understandable as they had a lot to do with this preformance. However, Minho continued to go crazy, often remembering the conservatory and sincerely hoping they would find someone in the Christmas preformance who could replace him. He didn't understand why no one had been found so far, because he had at least one teacher who said at the beginning of every lesson that any dancer could be replaced. Minho wouldn't have thought they couldn't find someone in his place.

"What are you doing here, hyung?" Felix asked as Chan walked into the rehearsal room.

“It's Wednesday, six pm, I'm not late. You allowed me to watch your rehearsals, didn't you? ”Chan asked.

"Oh I really allowed it ..." Felix replied. "Are you sure you want to be here?"

"Yes," Chan replied, then looked at Minho. "Isn't it okay that I'm here?"

"No problem, we promised you could come," Minho replied, but he didn't dare admit how excited he was. He had danced in front of Chan before, but it was different now. Minho wished that if everything was perfect, he wanted to win the competition. He wanted to feel that he really had a place in this dance team, that he could help them achieve their dreams.

"Are you sure?" Chan asked, staring at his boyfriend's face with a scanned look.

"Of course I'm glad you're here," Minho replied, smiling.

"Shall we start?" Hyunjin asked as he stepped up to the three. "Hello Chan!"

"Hi!"

"Sit down somewhere and don't be noticeable," Felix said, and Chan nodded and sat near the corner where Felix was pointing.

Minho's legs trembled as he watched the others begin the choreography. Minho danced to the back almost all the time until the part he had worked on had arrived. The few seconds he was in the middle trying to tell his story with his gestures. In those few seconds, only he and the music existed, Minho didn't think, just trying to make every move perfectly. He did not want to think that he could now dance in one of the usual rehearsal halls of the Conservatory, because that seemed impossible. The present mattered, Chan was right about it, but Minho increasingly felt unable to let go of his past.

The boy didn't even realize his part was over. He didn't know if he was doing all the moves well, maybe he didn't. It was only a few seconds in the middle of the whole choreography, if in those few seconds he couldn't convince the audience to just pay attention to him only then never.

Chan didn't say anything when they were done, they’re going on for long hours, but the elder waited for them. Then they sat down in a cafe close to the campus. Minho was tired, unable to follow the conversation, as their other friends slowly joined them.

"Are you all right?" Chan asked softly, while Minho was playing with his almost empty cup.

"I'm tired," Minho shrugged.

"I'll go home with you, the others will understand."

"No, I'd like to be here a little more," replied the younger. "Did you like the rehearsal?" He asked, afraid.

"Yes, you were very beautiful," Chan replied, leaning closer to kiss Minho's ear. "Were you worried that you would disappoint me?" He whispered in his ear so that the others could not hear.

"I was worried about that too, among other things," Minho replied, lowering his eyes.

“The competition is coming up soon, by then, try to forget a little bit about what has happened lately. After that, we'll discuss how to proceed, ”Chan said quietly and took Minho's hand under the table. "Minho, I'm ready to move to Seoul with you if you really want to."

"What?" Minho asked in shock and looked at his boyfriend.

Chan smiled, but Minho hated himself because he knew that was not what Chan wanted. It was good for him that the boy would come to Seoul with him if he wanted to, but who would he be to make such an important decision in their lives? Even he himself wasn't sure it was a good idea to go back to Seoul, to be honest nothing seemed like a good decision now. Minho only knew what he had been up to: he missed ballet, and as superficial and empty his old life was, he still missed it. Missing dance classes, performances, but leaving the biggest emptiness inside of him was that he could no longer play his favorite role. Jeonghan told the truth, the Nutcracker Prince was a par of Minho. He often felt that he himself was just a doll being dragged back and forth, but when he was up on stage he was alive and dancing kept him alive.

“I would transfer to SNU, my grades are good enough and I could finish my last semester there, it’s not a problem at all.” Chan shrugged and Minho felt his eyes go teary. He quickly apologized to the others and ran to the bathroom.

The thing that Chan was looking after so many things just to stay together with him crushed Minho. After all, he only thought about himself, while Chan thoughtat the interests of both. Chan had always been a selfless and a really good person, which made Minho realize he would never be like that. Yes, the darkness he was talking about was still inside of him and he tried, in vain, to put on a mask that convinced him too that he could be a good person. But deep inside the boy knew that nothing had really changed.

"Minho?" Chan entered the restroom after a his boyfriend.

"Why?" Minho asked, looking at the older boy's face in the mirror.

"I don’t understand…"

"Why did you thought about it that you'd come with me?"

"Because I love you." Chan simply said the words as he moved closer to the boy and slowly hugged him from behind. “I can't imagine what it would be like without you and I don't want to. I'm not afraid of the change, Minho, and if you really want to go back to Seoul, you'll need me. "

"Just because of you, I haven't broke down completly yet, you are my medicine," Minho whispered and lowered his eyes. "Chan, I'm so sorry that I’m like this. I'd like to change, but I'm selfish and the Christmas piece has been the best part of my life so far every year. Just because I knew I could be on that stage and finally be somebody who was not crazy. ”

"You're still someone, Minho, when you're not on stage," Chan said quietly. "Let's go home now.”

"I don't deserve you," Minho said quietly.

Chan said nothing, just pulled Mino closer, then kissed him. Minho was happy that the boy's lips taste like coffee again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to write to you guys, but a huge thank you for your support as always :)  
I am having a hard time in my real life and it makes writing a little bit stressful too. Honestly I am not feeling well, but I love writing and I am still trying my best.  
Thank you for being here!


	13. Chapter 13

Minho had almost forgotten how fast time passed, but the end of the year was coming soon. He failed in two of his classes, despite Chan helped him a lot with his studies. He knew it was his own fault, he simply couldn't get himself to like linguistics and literature. His thoughts revolved around ballet only and he felt terrible for not being able to take school seriously. No one was disappointed with his poor performance anyway, even his grandparents said it could have been worse. But Minho still felt that he made them disappointed despite how much his grandparents had done for him.

However, the main concern this week was that he finally had a control conversation with the doctor at the clinic. He was afraid of what the results would be, but he hoped that his efforts would be worth something because he hadn't felt any pain while dancing for a while now and could not have missed the competition anyway.

"How are you doing lately?" The doctor asked as Minho tried to prevent his knees from trembling even while sitting.

"Better," Minho replied. "I think the therapies were really helpful."

“Certainly, but I want you to not think that you can stop the therapies now. You need to take these seriously so the pain should not come back”the doctor explained, still being just as patient and kind as when they first met. "Your legs have been getting a lot stronger since we started the therapies."

“Yes, I noticed that too. It's almost like it used to be, ”Minho replied.

"And it will only get better," the doctor replied. “I hope we can continue the therapies next year.”

"Actually ... is there a clinic like this in Seoul too?" Minho asked quietly and lowered his eyes.

"Of course," he nodded. "Do you want to return to Seoul?"

"I haven't decided yet," Minho shrugged. "But I thought about it."

"Do you want to start ballet again?"

"I think so," Minho replied. It was strange to hear his own voice uncertain. Minho had never been uncertain before, but now he seemed unable to make a meaningful decision. He remembered that Chan could have left everything here to move to Seoul with him.

“Well, if you go back to Seoul and seriously think that you will go back to be a ballet dancer, then I would recommend more of these therapies. Your legs are in a better shape, getting a lot stronger, but if you just dance and don't go to therapies, it all made no sense, ”the doctor replied seriously. “You have to decide alone how to proceed. But if you listen to my suggestion, you will definitely continue this therapy either here or in Seoul. ”

"Thank you for everything." Minho got up and bowed, not sure he could grasp how grateful he was. Therapies became a part of everyday life and he needed them to be stronger. He was sure he hadn't regained all his strength back, but he was still on the road and that had helped a lot to make him feel not completely worthless.

***

On the day of the competition, Minho didn't want to think that this might be the first and last time he, Hyunjin and Felix could be on stage together. They decided with Chan that they won’t tell anyone that Minho was thinking of going back to Seoul. This was the easiest way, as nothing had been decided yet and Minho knew that Felix and Hyunjin were still quite frustrated about the competition.

"I saw a couple of teams before you got here," Hyunjin said, as they changes into their preformance dresses.

"And? Are they too good? ”Felix asked in a trembling voice.

"Of course not... or there have been some improvements since last year, but we are better," Hyunjin replied, but Minho noticed that his voice was not as firm as ever. For a moment he wondered where Hyunjin's famous confidence had gone. If he wasn't confident, then they really had a reason to fear.

"Are you sure?" Felix asked in a worried voice.

"Calm down, we weren't on stage yet," Minho said quietly, looking at his friends. “We will succeed, we have worked hard to be here today. We will win, I promise! "

"How do you know?" Hyunjin asked softly, Minho seeing uncertainty on his face.

"Because we must," he replied firmly, knowing that both friends now needed to see this determination.

Minho knew Chan and all their other friends were in the audience. Otherwise, it probably would have scared him, but now he was reassured that he knew Chan was out there and was just waiting to see them. He wanted to win, but he thought that if they didn't win, then it was still worth it for Chan to see him on stage. If they had any more time, he would have gone out and told him how grateful he was for all that he do for hem, that he loved him and that the idea of going home to his parents seemed stupid. He didn't want to live in Seoul, he didn't want to be a ballet dancer if Chan couldn't be a part of his life in return. It didn't matter, just the moment he would spend on stage with his two best friends and what his lover would see.

"Fifteen minutes," someone from the dance team said, and Minho hugged his two best friends without thinking. This place was different from the conservatory. There was a place for emotion and love, not only cold walls and measured movements. Minho wanted Hyunjin and Felix to know he loved them and that he would do everything in his power to win the competition.

The curtain that covered them from the audience was dark red. Minho had seen this many times before, but now everything was different. The circumstances were different, the people were different. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a minute, it was time to accept himself as he was. To accept that under his pants his legs are covered with wounds, to accept that he is not the best dancer in the world. It was time to love himself as he was, as it was the first step to complete healing.

The music started and Minho saw nothing from the audience, only a dark spot of crowds sitting in front of the stage. The music was loud and suppressed every thought in Minho's head, and he saw from the corner of his eyes that Felix and Hyunjin were dancing not too far from him. The rest of the dance team carelessly performed their learned moves, all moving on the stage as if they were born to do it. When Minho was in the middle, it was like a euphoric moment. The lights only lit on him and Minho knew exactly what to do to make the audience remember him. Those few seconds was meant his whole life on that stage, and Minho was moving gracefully, feeling that there was no one as free as hin on this earth. His legs weren't the old ones, but he wasn't his old self too, and it didn't matter at this stage. All he expected was to dance, to dance in front of an audience, and he wasn't alone. There was an whole dance team standing next to him, and he is sharing this stage with his best friends. Minho only realized now that how lonely it was to be a ballet dancer, but the boy was used to that loneliness - maybe he liked it too. Now, however, he could not have imagined going through this competition alone.

After leaving the stage, it was much more difficult to wait, it was simply terrible. Minho didn't want to move away from Hyunjin and Felix, but wanted to find Chan at the same time. He wanted to kiss him and told him he would stay here because there was no point in going back to Seoul. But he didn't move away from his friends, it was important to them now that Minho was there, hugging them and telling them from time to time that everything would be fine. The boy didn't even think he would ever be able to provide spiritual support to anyone. He would never have thought he would be able to love anyone outside his immediate family. But it seems he just had to come to Busan to find out how to love someone and what a real friendship is.

As they stood on the stage again, Minho tried to make sure he wasn't shaking. Felix squeezed firmly in one of his hands while Hyunjin clung to the other one. They were both pale and excited, and Minho was praying inside, that they wouldn’t be disappointed. Everything was done well, no one made a mistake, though Minho couldn't see the faces of the jury, but he was sure they were impressed. Jeonghan was right that this was a different audience than Minho used to, but he was sure that they could be just as captivated by the dance as the audience who used to see ballet.

"Minho, we won!" Hyunjin muttered into his ear, but Minho didn't grasp it at first. The crowd cheering and clapping loudly, Minho felt his eyes tear up. He hadn't heard it when they announced they had won, but Hyunjin and Felix jumped cheerfully next to him. He felt that all of his bones were shattered as the two younger hugged him, but he was happy. He was so happy that the joy had blurred every other thought in his mind.

He didn't know when they were off the stage, he couldn't count how many congratulations he had. It didn't matter, it mattered only when he saw Chan, who had put a big bouquet of flowers in his hand and kissed him in front of everyone there, then whispered in his ear that he loved him. Minho clung to the boy's shoulders and squeezed him tightly, that was the moment that was worth to coming here for, and it was worth going to the therapies and giving him a new chance for a whole new life.

"We did it! We did it! ”Minho didn't know if he was crying or smiling or both at the same time. But the euphoric feeling he was experiencing on stage still made his whole body numb and filled him with energy. They did it, they won the competition, and Minho achieved what he wanted from the moment he joined the dance team.

“We have to celebrate this,” Jisung said from behind and everyone agreed.

***

That evening, with their trophy, they sat in a little pub near the beach. Minho still could not forget the minutes he was on the stage, nor did when Hyunjin tell him they had won the competition. It would still be under the influence of the whole moment, though winning many competiton in the past, this had a different stake this time around. It made him feel differently.

"It's good to see you finally smile," Chan said as he and Minho went outside to sip some fresh air.

"We won the competition," Minho replied happily. “Did you see their faces? Hyunjin and Felix have never been so happy. ”

"Yes, I saw it was a wonderful moment," Chan said. "Felix said that you were the only one who had the firm belief that you were going to win."

"Yes, we can say so," Minho nodded. "I just wanted them to not panic unnecessarily."

"You handled the situation well," Chan said, slowly laces their fingers together. "So the competition is over and the year is slowly be over too."

"Yes, I know, I failed in two of my classes," Minho laughed bitterly. "I didn't really care about school," he added.

"It's understandable somehow ..."

“You shouldn’t get used to it that you are always so understanding with me. I've done a lot of stupid things, I know I'm not making good decisions and I can't decide what's right, ”Minho replied. "But I think I made my final decision about the conservatory," he added.

"What is it?" Chan asked, Minho heard his voice trembling. Minho suspected that Chan thought he wanted to go back to Seoul, perhaps thinking that Minho wanted to break up with him. But Minho would never have broken up with the boy, he was the first good thing that had happened to him since moving to Busan.

"I'm going to stay here, I don't want to go back to Seoul," Minho said, then looked at Chan. “I'm happy with you, Chan, thanks to you I am not being in pain anymore. You really made everything better for me. I don't know how I could all return it to you, but I hoped that loving you might be enough. "

"It's enough because I love you too," Chan said with a smile. "But… Minho, I don't want you to stay here just for my sake. If you want to go to the conservatory again and want to do ballet like you used to, then… ”

"Chan, I want to stay here for myself," the boy replied. "Now this is my world and I'm happy here."

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been so sure of anything," Minho replied.

"What about the dance?" Chan asked quietly. "Will you miss ballet?"

"Of course," Minho replied. "But I think I'll be able to let it go in exchange for me to stay with you," he added, smiling.

Chan didn't say anything, but Minho saw tears in his eyes. He hoped, they were tears of happiness, and gently moved closer to the older one to kiss him softly. He owed many things to Chan, these could not be measured in values, but the most important thing he owed to him was to learn how to love. And no matter how strange the feeling of love was, Minho knew it was the most precious thing in the world. It didn't matter what he achived as a ballet dancer, beccause he meet Chan when he moved to Busan and changed, Chan really made him to be a better person. One that was able to learn to love and was able to step out of his own shadow. That's why Chan made him to want to stay here, near the beach, where he finally felt free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for your support :) not much left of the story, hope you'll like the rest of it :)


	14. Chapter 14

Minho didn't particularly enjoy the Christmas break, though he was happy to spend more time with his friends and Chan. But as Christmas approached, Minho found himself remembering the Christmas piece and the Conservatory. There was not even a tiny news that the show would finally be held this year on Christmas Eve as well. Although Minho had already let go of being a ballet dancer again, he found himself worried about something he was no longer involved with. But when he visited the Conservatory's website, he could not see the usual announcement of the event anywhere.

He didn't know what was going on, so one morning he wrote a message to Myoui Mina. It may not have been the best solution, but Minho felt that maybe she would be the only one who wouldn't judge him for his questions. However, he did not expect Mina to call him ten minutes after sending the message.

"Minho, I don't think there will be a Christmas performance this year." Mina spoke softly, but the boy still understood all her words.

"Why?" Minho asked and swallowed, but his throat was completely dry.

“No one is found to play the role of the Nutcracker Prince. The audience had hoped to see you on stage this year, too, ”she replied. "I don't know what's going to happen, the professors don't say anything. There was no rehearsal yet, the event has not been announced and we have only one week left. ”

"I don't understand that, Mina," Minho replied quietly. "I thought everyone could be replaced."

“Minho, you are one of the biggest pride of the Conservatory. You are not so easily replaced. ”

"Then no one is like that?" The boy asked.

“At some level, nobody is. Do you see a chance that you will come back? "

"No," Minho replied, then took a deep breath. "But I can make an exception."

"What do you mean?" Mina asked, surprised.

"I'll be in Seoul in about three hours," Minho replied as he walked out of his room to pull on his coat and shoes.

"Minho ..."

"Can you arrange for me to talk to a professor or the headmaster?" Minho asked as he checked to see if he had his wallet.

"Yes, I think I can solve it," Mina replied. "Mr. Park will surely be available. ”Mr. Park was in charge of the Christmas present, Minho sincerely hoped he could talk to him.

"All right, I'll call you when I get there," Minho finally said, then said goodbye to her and hung up.

"Where are you going, honey?" Her grandmother asked before he could open the front door.

"Grandma ... I have to go to Seoul," Minho replied and turned back to her. "I… I just have to do something, I'll come back."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" His grandmother asked worriedly.

"I don't know, but I have to do something," Minho replied. "I have to get to the train station, a train is going to Seoul soon ..."

"Minho, did you tell it to Chan?" The boy shook his head silently. He wouldn’t want to say anything to anyone, it was all their own business now, they had no time to explain. All he wanted to do was go to Seoul, talk to somebody and make sure that the regular Christmas preformance will be held at the conservatory. He may not have been a member of the school anymore, but it was important to him that this beautiful tradition was not interrupted. "Maybe…"

"I don't want to tell him," Minho said quickly. “There is no time for it. I'll call you when I’m on my way back, ”the boy added, then practically fled from the house.

He ran to the train station, then panted and exchanged a ticket to Seoul. The train left twenty minutes later, Minho didn't say anything to anyone that might not have been the best idea, but he had no plans with anyone today. He set out for Seoul, knowing that no one would notice that he had gone and came back the same day.

He spent a nerve wrecking two and forty-five minutes on the train and didn't feel well at all after getting off the train. Seoul's lively underpasses and streets did not evoke the best memories in him. But he hadn't had time to deal with these feelings, his feet had simply carried him forward. He knew the way to the conservatory with his eyes closed, wherever he was in the city, and when he arrived, he stopped for a moment before the huge building.

He looked up at the building that was once his second home. It was beautiful as a tiny palace in the heart of Seoul. Minho remembered the days of happiness as he set foot in it trough the huge oak door. There really was a time when Minho was very, very happy here, when there was nothing else for him to do but dance, but things changed. And the boy's knees trembled as he couldn't pull his gaze from the building. It was bad to think he might have traveled unnecessarily so he could be here now. He didn't really know why he was doing all this. The conservatory was once very important to him, but now he wasn't a student here, it didn't make sense to try to save the Christmas performance honestly.

Finally, he took out his phone and told Mina that he had arrived. He carefully opened the huge oak door and entered the familiar building. Nothing changed inside, the corridors were still huge and stunningly beautiful. And Mina was waiting for the boy in one of these corridors.

"Where's Mr. Park?" Minho asked as he stopped in front of her.

"Come on," she replied, turning in a graceful gesture to guide him to one of the familiar rehearsal rooms. "Are you sure a conversation can convince Mr. Park?"

"I could talk to him, is that something, right?" Minho asked. “I can't let this tradition end. The Nutcracker means Christmas, so many people are waiting for it every year. ”

"I know, I was trying to tell him and many others too," she replied. “But they just don't seem to be convinced. Everyone miss you here, Minho. ”

"But I can't come back," Minho replied. "This is not my life now."

"You were one of the best dancers ever, Minho, it would be a shame to deny it. But if you don't want to come back, I fully understand, ”Mina replied, then stopped at one of the huge doors. "We almost didn't talk to each other after your accident, but I know how traumatic it could have been for you."

"It was," Minho admitted and lowered his eyes. "But I will never be the same as I used to be and I had to accept that."

"You met Momo, didn't you?" Mina asked and smiled. “We're very good friends, she called after you talked about me. I could hardly believe it when she said you were dancing again. ”

"Yes, but it's not ballet," Minho shrugged.

"It doesn't matter what kind of dance you are doing, the only thing that matters is how happy you are while you can do it," she said kindly. "And I've heard you're very happy lately."

"Yes," Minho nodded. "Mr. Park is inside? ”The boy asked and nodded his head towards the door.

"Yes," Mina replied, then knocked on the door and opened it to let the boy in the room.

Mr. Park was teaching a class for six to seven-year-olds. Minho could almost see himself as he looked at them when he first came here. At that time, he only attended dance classes after school and later became a student at the Conservatory and one of the best dancers. These kids were undoubtedly the ones who would soon become famous ballet dancers.

"Mr. Park. ”Minho asked the teacher, who immediately turned around and, after a moment of surprised he realize that Lee Minho was standing in the rehearsal room.

"Lee Minho, what are you doing here?" The man asked in shock, after asking the students to continue practicing alone.

"We need to talk, Mr. Park," the boy replied and moved closer to the teacher. "About the Christmas performance."

"You must have heard that it will probably not be held this year," Mr. Park said bitterly.

"That's impossible," Minho replied. "It was held every year, people are expecting about it, it's part of Christmas too."

"Yes, but unfortunately we haven't found a suitable boy dancer for the role of the Nutcracker Prince among the students," Mr. Park said confused. "Unless you came back to possibly ..."

“No, I will not be able to attend, I am no longer a student at the Conservatory. But there is a pretty good dancer here instead of me, ”Minho replied. "Mr. Park… please, Jeonghan would be perfect for the role. ”

"Jeonghan?" Mr. Park asked. "Honestly it came to my mind that he could be your replacement, but the audience counts on you, Minho."

"I don't belong here anymore," Minho replied, lowering his eyes for a moment, then looked back at him. “I just want to ask you not to erease the Christmas performance completly. For years this has been the only good thing in my life and even if I am not in the piece, I still do not want this tradition to end. This is important to me and Jeonghan will be able to play the Nutcracker Prince just as well as me. ”

Mr. Park said nothing for a few minutes, Minho saw in his face that he was constantly thinking. The boy didn't know what to expect, but he hoped he hadn't traveled here for nothing. If Mr. Park finally decided to follow Minho's advice, the Conservatory would not have had much time to prepare for the preformance. But still, Minho knew that the Conservatory would be able to bring the most wonderful performance to life. Here the dancers practiced every day, and the boy was confident that they would be able to quickly prepare for the Christmas piece, even if they did not take a rehearsal before. It was no accident that the Conservatory had such a reputation.

"I don't know if we can get into this yet," Mr. Park replied. “But of course the Christmas performance is important to me, as for the whole Conservatory. But without you… ”

"What matters now is not what the show will do without me, but to make it happen this year too," Minho replied. "Please, Mr. Park!"

"All right," the man said and nodded. "I'll talk to the other techers and see what I can do."

"Thank you," Minho nodded, then said goodbye to his old teacher and went out into the hall with Mina.

"Do you think that was effective?" Mina asked as she accompanied the boy back to the entrance.

"I have no idea," Minho replied frankly. "I just hope the conservatory could hold the show this year as well."

"Good to see you come, Minho," Mina said kindly as they stopped in front of the front door. “If the show would be held, come and watch it. I know sitting in the audience is different than dancing on stage, but it would be good if you came. Together with your boyfriend maybe. ”

"We'll see," Minho replied and hugged her before he could step out the door.

Minho picked his phone out of his pcoket, wanted to call Chan, tell him everything immediately, but as he looked up as he got down the stairs, the older man stood in the parking lot in front of the building leaning on his car.

"Chan?" Minho asked, running to the boy and hugging him tightly as he approached him. "How do you get here?"

"Your grandmother called me when you left, I came after you with car," Chan said as the younger one pulled away and looked into each other's eyes. "I had a guess you were coming here."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Minho replied, lowering his eyes. "But I had to talk to somebody, I couldn't let them just ..."

"The Christmas show?" Chan asked carefully.

"Yes, but I'm not sure I achieved what I wanted," Minho replied honestly, while Chan gently stroked her hair.

"You don't know for now," Chan shrugged. “Maybe that's what you needed to come here and tell them that they couldn't skip the show. Sometimes it is precisely these small actions that are necessary to achieve something. ”

"You still see the positive side of everything," the younger responded and smiled.

"I'll try," Chan admitted, smiling. “If we're already in Seoul, we could go around the city. Would you like it? ”

"Sure." Minho nodded as Chan opened the car door for him.

***

Minho hadn't heard anything from the conservatory for days. Christmas Eve was getting closer and he became anxious, but one day a letter arrived. He immediately recognized the Conservatory's beautiful envelope and opened it excitedly: he found two tickets for the December 24th performance to The Nutcracker at the Conservatory.

Minho smiled as he read that Yoon Jeonghan would play the role of the Nutcracker Prince.


	15. Chapter 15

Minho has learned a lot since moving to Busan, things that were unknown to him in Seoul. Here he learned what true friendship is and learned to love. These weren’t seemed real things in Seoul, which may have been his own fault, as he put his entire life on to become a famous ballet dancer - and this had a real impact on his whole life. As Christmas approached, Minho realized that he had never been so happy before. He might not have been know what happiness meant before. However, this time was the most beautiful of the year, as others had told him before, but he did not believe them at the time. The boy felt that change had only done him good and that Chan had really made him a better person. And for Chan's sake, he wanted to be a better person anyway, though it was clear that he couldn't change his past, but maybe it wasn't even necessary. It was part of his life too, it helped him learn new things in Busan too.

When he remembered the competition he had won with Felix and Hyunjin, it made his heart warm. He knew that whatever his life was now on, it was worth moving to here because of this win. But of course not just because of this, but because Chan was here too - Chan, who made everything better. Minho sometimes even afraid to believe that Chan was real and capable of loving him, who was neither perfect nor nearly as good of a person as Chan. But Minho tried hard, he wished Chan was as happy as he was. And lately, it seems that they are both happy to be together.

Minho decided that the last time he would enter the Conservatory would be the day he and Chan visit Seoul to watch The Nutcracker. Jeonghan danced beautifully in the play, the audience clapping so loudly that Minho felt his ears ring even hours later. The performance was simply perfect, nothing missing. Minho was afraid of what he would feel like not being on stage, as he had done every year, but had already started to let go of his life here. And this evening was the last moment of his farewell and, at the same time, was the most beautiful ending of Minho's past.

Christmas in Busan was beautiful, and Minho knew he would never forget those beautiful days. His parents also visited him so he could introduce them to Chan, whom they loved of course. Minho really felt that now everything was in place and everything was perfect. Well as much as something could be perfect after Minho felt like that everything slipped out of his hands before.

"Are you feeling good?" Minho asked enthusiastically that night when he introduced Chan to his parents.

"Yes," the older boy nodded, smiling. "Actually, here's something I brought to you."

"I thought we wouldn't give each other gifts," Minho replied, but smiled back.

"I know we talked about it, but actually it was done before that, I was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to give it to you," Chan replied and gave Minho a small book. He stared at the dark green cover for a few minutes before realizing that Chan had written the book.

"Did you publish one of your books?" The boy asked in shock.

"No… it's just a copy, especially for you." Chan laughed quietly. "If you say you like it, I'll send it to a publisher to see if I'm lucky enough to get it published."

"The Nutcracker Prince," Minho read the title. "Chan, this is ..."

“I started writing when you told your whole story. It's about you, Minho. It's for you." Chan replied and lowered his eyes for a moment. “It may not be the best I wrote, but it was for you. You were in my head when I wrote and… it meant a lot to me. ”

"I'm sure it's perfect," Minho replied, leaning close to the boy and kissing him softly. “Promise me that you will really take writing seriously now. If you still have the dream of being a writer, then you have to do everything for it to become true, ”he added after pulling away from the elder and looking into his eyes.

"I don't know if I'm good enough at writing."

“It doesn't matter because you are able to develop. I trust you Chan, I know you can accomplish anything you want, ”the boy replied.

Minho read the story in two days and was truly recognized himself in the character Chan had created. The older wrote beautifully, Minho felt that he had never read a better story. He didn't want to be biased, of course, but he really felt that Chan had created something that no one would ever forget after reading it. Chan was able to touch people's souls and convince everyone that they had something good in them. Chan was a good person in his own right, someone who was really born to help others. Minho felt that he might not even deserve a boy like him. Or was it rather Chan's love to make up for all the bad things he went through? He wasn't sure, but he knew Chan was the best remedy to overcome his past. Yes, he was healed by Chan and it was really seemed easy to give up being a ballet dancer beacuse of him. In addition, the boy knew very well that Chan would give up everything if Minho would wanted it - but the younger knew it was the right decision, both for himself and for Chan. In Busan they were both happy, it was their shelter, they met each other here and they fell in love with each other here. Busan was important to both of them in every way.

***

_On the next summer…_

It was a long time since he moved to Busan, but Minho didn't feel anything was missing from his life. Sometimes, of course, he still remembered the conservatory and ballet, but he did not feel the empty void when he thought of them. He let go of that part of his life and realized that he was finally free. The negative thoughts of not being worth anything, unless he can be a ballet dancer, have completely blurred his thoughts everyday. But far from the conservatory and the world of classical dance, Minho realized that he couldn't live like this. He had to learn to love himself, to learn to live this life from now on and never become a famous ballet dancer. But actually, as time passed, he realized that what he got here in Busan was worth forgetting about ballet.

He spent the summer break with his friends and after a long time, for the first time ever, was able to put on shorts so he didn't care who saw the marks of his injury on his leg. His skin was not perfect, even now every single trace he had obtained during the accident was shown and he knew that they would never disappear. But it didn't matter because Chan knew that these traces were on his legs, his friends also knew - it made no sense to hide and cover them. And indeed, those traces were part of everything that Minho was.

Chan graduated and shortly afterwards their friends were celebrating together, as the boy had excellent results. It wasn't surprising, but Minho was still worried for days whether Chan would stay here in Korea or move back to Australia. But Chan got a job as an assistant lecturer at the university sooner than they all expected, so it wasn't a question of staying or not. Minho calmed down as he had no idea what he would have done all alone if Chan would return to Australia. But Minho was most pleased that Chan had finally taken the courage and started contacting various publishers. Although he hasn't received any feedback yet, Minho was confident that what was delayed would not go away. Chan was a great writer, Minho had read almost all the short stories and novels the boy had written, and he liked them all. He was sincerely hoping that something really could come in print soon, because he was sure they would be a great success immediately. And if anyone deserved to be successful, it was Chan.

That day was beautiful and they decided it was warm enough to go to the beach. The day was pleasantly warm, but the beach was not crowded. Minho watched from the shore as Chan and his other friends played in the water. His gaze, however, slowly fell on his own legs, but he was not at all troubled that his feet were still covered with marks of his injury. It was a strange feeling to see his own legs even now, but he didn't feel he had to cover them.

„Don’t you want to join us in the water?” Chan asked, smiling as he sat down on the towel beside the younger boy.

"No, I'm feeling good here," Minho replied and smiled back at the boy, then leaned closer and kissed his cheek. "Go back to the boys."

"Are you sure?" Chan asked with a smile and Minho felt that he would fall in love with the boy again and again unless he looked at him and saw him smiling.

"Sure," the boy nodded. For a moment, Chan touched Minho's legs, just where the scars were covering him. It was a nice touch, Chan always did it when Minho was wearing shorts and that meant more to the younger boy than anything. In that brief touch was Chan's selfless love and all that was important to Minho, everything that made him feel that his life really made sense.

Of course, he still remembered the conservatory and ballet, but didn't leave him in bitterness when old memories came back. Although he was no longer a ballet dancer, he was still a member of the dance team alongside Felix and Hyunjin. This filled the void left by ballet. He could dance, which he still adores, no matter what kind of dance it was. But if he could be with the others, if he could dance with them, he felt that everything was fine. Minho loved his new life, loved his friends, and loved Chan more than anything.

The sea was a beautiful shade of blue, the sun shining as brightly as ever. If there was a perfect day, that was it. And Minho really felt like he had found a home where many loved him and didn't have to think about being the best anymore. There was only Minho, the average Minho he'd dreaded before, but now somehow the average life didn't seem as scary as it used to be. The average life now seemed comfortable and quiet - exactly what Minho had longed for in the depths of his soul.

Even though he still found it difficult to express his feelings in words, to Chan he could have said anything he wanted. And he knew he would be grateful to the older boy for what he did for the rest of his life. And the pain was completely gone and Minho knew it was not only due to the therapies, but also because of Chan and everything that had happened to them. Chan became as important a part of his life as once ballet was, and the boy didn't realize his eyes were tearing as he watched the boy he was in love with, smiling. Love was still a strange and inexplicable feeling, but maybe that's why it was so beautiful.

"I belong here, I'm so happy here," Minho whispered, touching the scars on his leg gently. "This is me," he added softly, wiping his eyes. Everything was complete, everything was good - Minho was happier than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the very short last chapter is here. Well, I guess this story is really ended, Minho is now in good hands :) I hope you enjoyed it, thank you for reading, commenting and kudos and every way of your support!
> 
> Happy X-Mas to everyone too :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!
> 
> I started a new fic after 1000 years :D Honestly I am not sure where I will go with this one and I can't promise frequent updates since I don't know how will I have time to update this fic.
> 
> Anyways I personally love ballet in real life and actually I was inspired by Sergei Polunin, I could totally imagine Minho dancing classical ballet :) so yeah, I hope you'll like the fic, the first chapter is almost uneventful and I don't know when will I post the second chapter. I'm so sorry in advance!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Принц Щелкунчик](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994782) by [Persidas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persidas/pseuds/Persidas)


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